Harry Potter and the Quest for the Golden Spork
by Loku
Summary: What happens when Harry is bored and Loku is hyper? A crack fic, that's what. More description inside. R&R if you want! [Complete]
1. Debbie gets his ass kicked!

HIII! My first story, woo hoo! I'm writing this because I need something to channel my hyper energy into, so whether you like it or not I'm gonna keep writing and posting chapters! Oh yeah, and that longer summary I promised!

Harry is pretty crazy and stuff in this story. He get's bored, so he asks the author to give him something to do. She sends him, his friends, some of my friends, and a few other random characters on a quest for the Golden Spork! Hilarity ensues along the way. Enjoy!

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Ah, so this is where our twisted tale of random hyper-active humor begins....

Well, we all know Harry. Twisted little boy he is.

One day, he sat staring moodily out his bedroom window feeling just plain SHITTY and BAD about the stink beast muggles and all that other crazy shit that he always thinks about. Sirius, Ginny, navel itches, Ginny again, Hogwarts, cheese...mmm cheese, and yeah. Ya know, aaaaall that good stuff. Wait, is that stuff shitty? Ah well, who cares.

He got up and crossed the room over to his bed and picked up his teddy, Mr. Fuck.

"Mr. Fuck, what should I do for fun today?" he asked the bear.

"...." was Mr. Fuck's response. But of course to Harry, he was speaking something clearly offensive.

"WELL FUCK YOU BEAR! YOU TELL LIEEEEES! LIEEEEES! YOU LINT INFESTED PIECE OF SHIT!" he screeched, throwing the bear across the room into the wall. He suddenly collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor after his little episode.

You see, Harry has been reading too many Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comics recently that he stole from that drunken hobo down at the WalMart. You may be slightly confused as to how Harry ended up in his, um.....wacky stat-

"WACKY?! DID YOU JUST CALL ME WACKY?! DIE SHIT-HOG!!" Harry bellowed out to the author as he pulled out his wand and pointed it around the room like a dumbass.

"Sigh....dumbass. You can't use fuckin magic on me because, well, you just can't. Because I pwn you. So there. BEGONE!" stated the author (Loku) as a magical force snapped Harry's wand in two.

"NOOO! You evil.....thingy!" Harry cried in anguish as he cradled the remains of his wand.

"Well thats what you get for being a crazy dickweed," said Loku, casually munching on a muffin.

"But...but I still haven't figured out what to do for fun!" he once wailed.

"Weeeeeell...." Loku pondered this, thinking of what to do for the whiny little boy. "How about I send you and all your little friends on a magical little adventure?"

"YAAAAAAY!" Harry squealed with delight as he was soon skipping about the room like a gay little pansy boy.

"...OK stop skipping! YEESH!" Loku said with disgust.

She soon congured up Harry's best little buddies from Hogwarts along with a few other random cartoon characters and friends that Loku decided would be fun to add in.

Ron, Hermione, Ginny, GIR, Dr. Hobo, Gary the Snail, Mimi, Kyuki, and Freddy Jones appeared in Harry's dingy bedroom out of thin air.

"Whoa dude, tight! It's that Harry Potter dude! Can I drum on your head?!" Freddy AKA "Spazzy McGee" spazzed out entirely and began beating random things with his drum sticks.

GIR began running around the room screaming about tacos, while Dr. Hobo started poking Gary with an empty bottle of hooch.

"OMGZ DR. HOBO! I LOVE YOU! LETS FUCK!" screamed Mimi as she threw herself at the deranged hobo.

And of course, Ron and Hermione just started making out on the bed while Ginny stood nearby...puking. A lot. Oh, and saying obnoxious immiture crap like, "GET A ROOM!" and "GROSS!"

"Um, what about this little adventure thingy?" questioned Harry amongst the chaos.

"OH YEAH! THAT!" Loku said, slapping her forehead in realization. "Well, I could use some groceries. And maybe you could pick up my dry cleaning. That would be nice,"

"WE ISNT GETTIN NO FNUCKIN GROSHREYS! LAY OFF DA HOOCH MAN!" shouted the crazed Dr. Hobo as he smashed a bottle of hooch on the ground. "THE HOOCH!" he cried as he pounced to the ground and started slurping the hooch off the floor. "AHG! GLAFF IN TEEF!" he once again cried, bits of glass stuck in his mangled beard and rotting teeth, dripping blood everywhere.

"DAMN YOU PEOPLE! Fine, you can quest for the Golden Spork!" cried a slightly irritated Loku.

"YAAAAY! SPORKS!" cheered Mimi and Kyuki as they started running around chanting about sporks.

"Well spank my ass and call me Debbie! This is gonna be great!" said Harry (Debbie).

"OK, Debbie!" said Kyuki as she swatted Harry's ass with a giant mallet.

Loku's friend Claireese suddenly popped her head in the window, "I LIKE HOBOS!" and then left.

"OKIE DOKIE THEN!" Mimi said shrilly as she grabbed Kyuki's arm and the group departed from Privet Drive to quest for the mystical Golden Spork!!!

When the crowd was finally out of sight, Loku sank into a chair and sighed with relief. "Finally some time to myself to relax and eat muff--WHERE THE HELL ARE MY MUFFINS?!"

Loku stormed around the room cursing loudly while Mimi and Kyuki snickered in the distance, having succesfully stolen Loku's muffins.

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And so the plot begins! Yay! Review if you want 3 


	2. The Food Poisoned Twinkie Forest of Doom

Heh, I'm having fun writing this! No flames could burst my bubble! That is, if hardly anyone even reads this.

So, continuing with the story....

**Chapter 2: The Food-Poisoned Twinkie Forest of Doom**

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Mimi and Kyuki's laughter echoed throughout the forest as they traveled very, very slowly due to the fact that Gary is snail. They were still friggin laughing about the muffin thing that happened 3 hours ago. 

Everyone was hearing random honking noises as they passed through the bubblegum pink trees and marshmallow fluff bushes (yum!). Suddenly, out of NO WHERE a giant, mutant squirrel with razor claws leaped out of a tree and landed on Harry's face.

"HOLY SHIT! GET THIS THING OF ME!" he screamed in agony as he yanked at the furry mass now attacking his head.

In an attempt to dislodge the squirrel from Harry's face, Ginny pulled out a giant chainsaw and started randomly whacking the squirrel.

The rest of the group shrugged and grabbed random objects out of their asses and followed Ginny's act in beating Harry. Sadly, they were hitting every thing but the squirrel.

"WAAAAAAAIT!!!" cried Hermione. The mob stopped beating Harry and looked at Hermione.

"I know just how to deal with this," she said with a mischievous smirk.

1 hour later

Harry, whose face is most likely disfigured for life but they want to kill the fuckin squirrel just for the hell of it, was long since unconscious.

"Mmm.....muffins!" Hermione sighed, inhaling the scent of fresh muffins. "These should do the trick!"

She crept up behind Harry, and stretched the metal tray out to the squirrel. Curious, the squirrel stuck it's neck out and sniffed the tray and—WHAM!

"YOU FUCKIN PIECE OF SHIT GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE BITCH I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU!" Hermione had suddenly whammed the tray over the squirrel's head and was holding a gun to its head.

"I SAY KILL IT! KILL IT NOW DAMMIT PULL THE DAMN TRIGGER!!!" Ginny screeched.

A series of many, many gunshots was heard. The squirrel was nothing but a bloody, grimy mess on the forest floor.

Immediately afterwards, a random flock of vultures swooped down and gobbled up the remains and left only the bones of the mutant squirrel. They flew away as quickly as they had come.

An eruption of cheers resounded from the pack of idiots.

"Good job guys! Only I would have just used the gun in the first place and /cough/ killed Harry too,"

The celebrating came to an abrupt halt as everyone turned to face who just spoke.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here? Weren't you at Harry's place? How the hell did you get here?" inquired Ron.

"Oh, yeah. That. I got bored of torturing the demon pig muggles, so I decided to come and join you. And um, duh. I'm the author. I can do whatever I want. LIKE THIS!" Loku replied as she pulled Orlando Bloom out of her pocket.

"Mmmm.....OOOOORLY!!!" Loku drooled over the famous actor that has billions of crazy fan girl stalkers. Speaking of them, here they come! SHIT!

"OMIGAWDZ IT'S ORLY! LETS FUCK CUZ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN AND I LOOOOOVE YOU!" swooned the crazy fan girl stalkers.

"Evil bitches! DIE!" shrieked Loku as she pulled out a flamethrower and incinerated the psycho fans. "Heheh, this is a lot more fun than torturing stink muggles! BWHAHAHA! And I'm also helping the environment!"

After everyone had a turn pissing on the ashes, Loku decided to put Orly away to avoid further exposure to mindless fan bitches.

"YAAAY! Silly String! I love Silly String!" proclaimed Loku as she pulled out several cans of Silly String and began handing them out to everyone.

"SIIIIIIIILLY STRRRRRRING WAAAAAAAR!!!!!" shouted everyone, as they all proceeded to spray eachother senseless with the multi-colored stringy stuff.

Harry's face was still a bleeding, distorted mess (did I mention that he woke up?). Loku noticed, and swifty returned him to his normal state.

"Eh, sorry man. Forgot about you," she said lamely. They stood staring at eachother akwardly for a few seconds.

"HEEHEE! SILLY STRING!" Loku sniggered, spraying Harry in the face without warning and galloping off to shower others with Silly String.

3 hours later, everyone was lying exhausted in a 3-foot layer of Silly String.

"Silly String is fun!" Loku suddenly pipped up.

"Yeah it is!" Kyuki gigglesnorted.

More awkward silence. Someone coughing.

"The next time you crave a jelly doughnut, a rhino will FLY out of your ass with a hedgehog on it's back balancing a baked potato on it's nose and doing the Italian hokey-pokey. Then it will shout through an invisible turtle, "I WANT THE CHEESE UNDER YOUR FINGERNAILS!" Then it will flush itself down the toilet. THE END!" shouted Loku. Following this odd outburst, her head lolled to the side, and she began to snore as loud as a chainsaw.

Maybe I should end my fun here.

Nah.

After another half an hour of pacing along through these strange woods, Gary let out an alarmed meow. Up ahead, there were silhouettes of 3 seemingly terrifying creatures. Mimi and Kyuki freaked out and started chucking muffins at the figures ahead.

Despite muffins being thrown at them, the things crept forward into the light, and the group gasped in horror at the sight of what was ahead. They were...they were...GIANT TWINKIES?!

"I KNEW THE DAY WOULD COME WHEN TWINKIES TOOK OVER THE WORLD!" screamed Ron as he curled up into a ball on the ground and began sucking his thumb and shaking back and forth.

Ginny sighed and rolled her eyes, "Oh puhleeze they're just fnuckin TWINKIES for God's sake! I say we EAT THEM!" With a crazed look in her eyes, Ginny slowly advanced on the frightened twinkies.

Hermione hollered after Ginny, "Wait, Ginny! Don't they could be—"Too Late. Ginny had already pounced and took a HUGE bite out of a twinkie.

Immediately, white cream gushed out of the Twinkie onto everyone else. The remaining twinkies fled in terror, while Ginny's twinkie squirmed violently around on the ground at her feet.

"Nice one, Gin. They could have told us where to find the Golden Spork!" stated Hermione as she wiped the white goo from her eyes.

Everyone began backing away from Ginny once she started foaming at the mouth and screeching like a banshee as she continued to rip the twinkie to shreds.

It turns out that they later found out that this forest was called The Food-Poisoned Twinkie Forest of Doom. They were delayed awhile while Ginny retched her guts out due to the tainted twinkie.

They all sat around a poorly made campfire (minus Ginny) eating Smores made from tree bark, mushrooms, and dooky. Strangely, these were fairly good.

Unfortunately, Freddy was dragged away into the bowels of the forest by savage twinkies, and died in a freak homicidal twinkie accident. No one tried to stop the twinkies. What a surprise. Everyone was forced to mourn for 3 seconds before they lit his dead, rotting corpse on fire and threw it over a cliff in celebration. YAY!

Dr. Hobo was rambling incoherently about eating babies and dead squirrels and such, while Ron and Hermione were going at it like wild dogs. Of course, Harry was forced to throw a giant blanket over them to avoid gouging out anyone's scarred eyes.

GIR sat gorging himself with the Dooky Smores, smacking loudly much to everyone's dismay. Mimi and Kyuki were huddled together crying hysterically because they used the last of the stolen muffins during the Twinkie attack, and Loku was pretty damn pissed that they had taken her precious muffins.

All in all, everything was peaceful and happy! Until....

"OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" screamed Harry, pointing beyond their small circle gathered around the fire into the dense forest.

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 Oh, cliffy! I really like it, so you should too! OBEY ME, OR BE CRUSHED! BWHAHAHAHAhaha...ha. Yeah. OK. 


	3. XANDIR! YAY XANDIR!

-gasp- What was the creepy thingy in the forest? :0 Well read on to find out!

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Whatever was in the forest that Harry was pointing at suddenly leaped high into the air and landed with a dull thud on the ground. It quickly recovered and grined stupidly at everyone.

"HOLY CHEESE! XANDIR?!?! YAAAY XANDIR!" Loku swooned as the homosexual hawt hero guy came into view.

"Yes, it is I! Xandir P. Whipplebottom--"

"Pfft, Whipplebottom! HAHAHA!" Ron snickered. Loku proptly whacked him over the head with a weasle and continued to gawk at Xandir.

Xandir obviously didn't hear this comment, for he continued on with his proclamation, "And I am on a never ending quest to save my BOYfriend!"

Loku clapped enthusiastically after Xandir's manifesto. Silence. More Silence.

"Heehee, Grapes are fun!" squealed Xandir as he suddenly started lightly tossing grapes into the air.

"Eh, hate to break it to you, but you're in the wrong story. This is the quest for the Golden Spork," explained Hermione

"Really? Aw damn. Well, I guess I'll be on my way on my never ending quest to save m--"

"NOOO! XANDIR CAN BE IN THE STORY! PLEEEASE LET HIM STAY! HE'S MY PRECCCCIOUS!" Loku cried pathetically as she gripped Xandir's ankle.

Xandir gazed down into Loku's huge, blue eyes swimming in tears. "Could--Could this be it? Could this be--love?!" A huge, hopeful smile took over Loku's face.

"No, wait. I forgot, I'm gay! Oh well, toodles!" he said, and suddenly a vine appeared out of no where and he swung off to continue his never ending quest to--well you know.

"NOOO! XANDIR! I LOOOOVE YOU!" screamed Loku. "God damnit, this is my story! I'm supposed to make up the god damn plot! Ah well, he's gay anyway so meh. Whatever,"

"Well maybe if SOMEBODY hadn't laughed at his damn name then he might not be gay!" accused Hermione.

"What the hell? That doesn't have to do with anyth--"

"WELL MAYBE IF SOMEBODY WASN'T SO BLOODY SMART WE WOULD BE EATING POTATOES RIGHT NOW!" Ron roared back.

"Wait, that still makes no sen--"

Hermione grabbed Dr. Hobo's bottle of hooch, smashed it on a tree, and directed it at Ron, "ALRIGHT BITCH BRING IT ON!"

"GLADLY!" he retorted, clutching a lightsaber.

"Ooo...shiney! Where the hell did you get a lightsaber?" asked Loku.

Ron ignored Loku's question, as both Hermione and Ron lunged at each other to attack.

"Wait, weren't they just snogging each other senseless in the last chapter?" stated a confused Harry.

"Yeah, but I decided to split them up for a little bit. They were a little bit too um, graphic for my taste," Loku clarified.

"Couldn't you have just made them less "graphic" as you put it, since ya know, you're the "almighty author" and all," reasoned Ginny.

"Now why the hell would I do something logical like that?" Loku replied. "Besides, this is much more entertaining!"

"True," she responded as she watched Ron and Hermione going at it like wild dogs, and I mean in a violent way mind you.

Mimi suddenly popped into the conversation, "Since you sent us on this little "quest", then you must know where the Golden Spork is, right?"

"Well, eh not really. Dr. Hobo was the one who told me about the Golden Spork in the first place," she replied. The group looked over at the delirious hobo, he flashed them a thumbs up.

"So any ideas on where to look for this Golden Spork?" some random member of the group asked.

"Oooo! Oooo! I know! We should go to our guild on Neopets and look there for clues n shit!" said Kyuki.

"OK, we'll go to the guild! YEAH! Besides, the guild pwns so we should just go there for the hell of it," agreed Loku.

And so, the group trooped off to go to the Insane Spamming Hobos of Sporks guild.

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 I know, so short. But next chappie (REVIEW) will be longer, I promise! WHEE! What happ(REVIEW)ened to Ron and Hermy? Will they find the Golden Spork?(REVIEW)Why am I asked you all this? All these questions and more will (HAVE YOU REVIEWED YET?!)be revealed in the next installment of HP and the Quest for the Golden Spork! Now do what the subliminal messages tell you to do and REVIEW! NOW! 


	4. Mr Fuck's Revenge

Yeah, yeah, you know the drill. New chapter! :D

The mob finally made it to Loku, Mimi, and Kyuki's guild on Neopets, The Insane Spamming Hobos of Sporks!

"Gawd, Neopets is sooooo GAY!" scoffed Ginny.

"What was that, you little shit?" Loku said menacingly, holding one o those mace thingys.

"That Neopets is so great and wonderful and not GAY!" Ginny rephrased, overly happy of course.

"Thats what I thought you said,"

Inside there were a couple of the members sitting around just chillin.

"PMGZ! SCOTTY AND SPOOKIE! YAAAY!" cheered Loku as she scurried over to her fellow guild members and gave them life-squeezing-out-of bear hugs, "I MISSSED YOU GUYS!"

"Ahem, Restraining Order," stated Scotty as she held up an official looking document.

"Oh, heheh, right," said Loku nervously as she stepped 10 feet away from them.

Loku, Mimi, and Kyuki ran around the guild being retarded while everyone else searched for clues. Well, almost everyone.

Disturbing moans of pleasure and stuff were heard from a closet that appeared out of no where.

"Oh dear lord, WHY?! WHY did you put them back together? You cut it off before you told what happened during the fight!" complained Ginny.

"Well, Mimi told me too make them fuck more so, yeah," Loku said, jabbing a thumb behind her at Mimi. Mimi waved enthusiastically before running off to go fuck Dr. Hobo some more.

15 minutes and 3 donuts later...

"Damnit, we haven't found anything that has to do with the Golden Spork!" said a frustrated and slightly sugar high Loku. Suddenly, a random fuckoff monkey came up and raped Loku and ran away screaming "SCORE!"

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" cried totally pissed off Loku.

"Heehee, that was my idea too!" shouted Mimi from across the guild. "Good thing it used a condom!" she added.

"Okay, that was one of the sickest and most disturbing things so far in this chapter," said a violently vommiting Harry between retching.

"HELL YEAH IT WAS! I'M GONNA KILL THAT FUCKTARDED MONKEY!" screamed an enraged Loku as she stormed around knocking everything in her path down and throwing random items.

"HEY LOOK AT OUR BABY!" hollered Mimi as she held up a drunken looking peewee headed blob-like baby.

At this point everyone fainted from all the disturbed-ness.

They all woke up 2 hours later though, strangly all at the same time.

"Please, please tell me that was all a horrible messed up nightmare," pleaded Loku groggily.

"It was a horrible messed up nightmare," said Kyuki.

"Really?"

"No."

"DAMN!"

The sound of glass shattering and crashing to the ground filled the air. This triggered lots of loud screaming for some reason. Who was this teddy-shaped figure that just crashed through the window?

MR. FUCK?! AND HE'S BACK FOR REVENGE!

His raggedy body was covered in guns and weapons. Oh shit. This bear is ready to kill.

"YAY! Mr. Fuck! My beloved teddy!" Harry squealed with joy as he ran over and hugged Mr. Fuck, oblivious to the weapons n shit lining his body.

Mr. Fuck pushed Harry off of him and heaved a giant machine gun over his shoulder, "FUCK YOU! YOU THREW ME AGAINST THE WALL FOR NO FUCKIN REASON! I'MA KILL YOU BIATCH!"

"But you told me to go fuck Dudley for fun when I asked you!" he retorted.

"Oh that. Well uhhhh, THAT WAS A JOKE ASSHOLE! YOU ALL MUST FUCKING DROP DEAD!" he bellowed in a big tough guy voice. He began rapidly firing his machine gun in a 360 motion. Mostly at Harry though. But no one can die in this story unless I say so, so yeah. It was WORHTLESS! BWHAHAHA!

Gary noticed Mr. Fuck and was immediately turned on. Snails believe in love at first sight, no? No. Oh, ok. Well in this story they do.

"Meow, meow meeeeeoooooowwww. Meow meow. Meow meow meow?" Gary meowed seductively as he slithered over to Mr. Fuck.

"Eh? What the--" Mr. Fuck was totally in love with the adorable little snail and dropped his gun in shock.

Mr. Fuck picked Gary up and without saying another word dived out the other window and ran of into the distance.

"YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST USED THE SAME WINDOW! Son of a whoring muthr frucker..." Loku muttered.

"God, are all the males in this story GAY?!" exclaimed Ginny.

"I'm not!" came Ron's muffled shout from the closet.

"But the gays are so adorable! Just look at Xandir!" Loku once again swooned.

Scotty suddenly entered the conversation again, "Uh, can we go now?"

"You're excused," replied Mimi, gesturing towards the door.

Scotty and Spookie were out of there in a flash, mentally disturbed for life.

"WAIT! I NEED DR. HOBO'S AUTOGRAPH! WAAAIT!" were the distorted cries of Scotty from off the page.

"Damnit Scotty, you're not in the story anymore so just shut up!" yelled an already pissed of Loku.

"Hey, look! A postcard just came for us!" Harry said, waving a postcard around and displaying it for all to see.

On the front it read: JUST MARRIED! and had a photo of Gary and Mr. Fuck in typical wedding attire in Las Vegas.

"Awh, isn't that just precious? We'll hang it on the wall!" said Loku cheerfully as she stuck it to the wall with a piece of gum.

"Where the hell did that gum come from?" asked another random member of the group.

"From your ass, dipshit. Actually, I don't know. I just made it appear so I could stick the picture on the wall," replied Loku.

"HEY LOOK WHAT I JUST FOUND IN DR. HOBO'S JACKET! HOOOOCH!" screamed Kyuki wildly as she waved around a couple bottles of alchohol.

"YAAAY!" cheered the remaining members of the bunch as they gathered around Kyuki.

Well, I think I'll end it here. Was the long enough for ya? Huh? Huh? Eh, sorry if you were slightly disturbed at some parts...Mimi made up some of the parts to put in since I didn't really know what I should do for this chapter. Heh. Well, as always I tell you to review and you do it. Now on 3, 1.....2......3....REVIEW!


	5. Drunken Fun!

Wow, only 3 reviews?! Man, tough crowd. You guys suck. Heh, oh well! xD I shall respond to my reader's reviews as I am very bored.

Phantom of Insanity - YAAAY! SCOTTY! I want your box of muffins! -steals- muhahahaha... Also, I am going to pretend that the squirrel in the 2nd chapter was Foamy! BWHAHAHA! xD

Mimiko ;D - See, I added your ideas to the chapter! YAY! Although, I think the random fuckoff monkey was a little much...but still really funny xD. At least, I thought it was funny! -cricket, cricket- FINE! FUCK YOU PEOPLE!

I think I say fuck too much, but at least not as much as Mimi, she lives for fucking, man. Hah hopefully she doesn't stab me after this chapter! xD

Oh, and maybe it was just me, but I thought the last chapter was kind of on the borderline between PG-13 and R, what do you think? D: This one probably will be too... xD;

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We rejoin the story as Kyuki wildly waves around a couple bottles of hooch.

"WHEEE! LET'S ALL GET DRUNK!" screamed Mimi as she flopped onto the floor, suffering from a major laugh attack.

"Oh god, you guys are all so crazy it wouldn't even matter if you got drunk," sighed Ginny, shaking her head.

Of course nobody listened to Ginny, and proceeded to pounce on Kyuki for the many bottles of hooch stuffed in Doc Hobo's jacket.

2 hours and 15 large bottles of hooch later....

It was pretty chaotic in the guild right now. Mostly a lot of fucking.

Everyone (and I mean everyone) got drunk. Ginny and Harry were fucking right there on the floor, Ron and Hermione were fucking in the closet (how is this different than normal?), Mimi and Dr. Hobo....oh dear lord lets just skip them, and the only ones not fucking were Kyuki and Loku.

"Maaaan, I need some one to fnuck," said a very tipsy Loku.

She congured up Ben, that really hot guy from Church, into the room.

"BEEEEEN! LET'S FUCK, BEN!" she screeched drunkenly as she threw herself at him.

"NOOO! WHAT THE HELL?!" yelled a confused Ben.

"SHUT UP AND FUCK ME!" Loku screeched.

We interupt this fanfiction for an important announcement.

Don't have sex. You will get climitia, and you will die. Thank you.

We now continue with your regularly scheduled fanfic.

"AHHHHHAHHHHHAHHHAHHHH! Just lose it. AHHHHAHHHHAHHHHAHHHAHHH! Just lose it,"

Kyuki, still drunk of course, ran around the room naked singing to Eminem "Just Lose It" screaming like a deranged hobo person.

"All these kiddies, on my lap. Guess whos back with a brand new rap? And I don't mean rap as in a new case--"

CRASH! "SHET UP! SOME OF US ARE TRYIN TO FNUCK OVER HERES!" shouted Dr. Hobo, throwing a bottle at Kyuki, but thankfully missing. Just when you thought he couldn't get anymore drunk...

Lots of other random alchohol-influenced activites went on that night which Loku was just to lazy to write and decided to skip it and go to the next day.

"Uuuuugggghhhh, major hangover, man," groaned Loku.

"Where the hell am I? Why am I naked? Why are YOU naked? WHY IS EVERYONE NAKED?!" screamed a terrified Ben.

Loku sighed, and swifty made Ben dissappear from the fanfic.

Everyone woke up at their respective times, each moaning about their hangovers and not remembering what happened the previous night.

"Why do I feel like me and Harry had world shattering animal sex last night?" asked Ginny to no one in particular. Harry turned an unflattering, deep red, and ran from the room mumbling something about going to buy some groceries n shit.

"Maybebecauseyoudid," coughed Kyuki.

"Yeah, and Hermy and Ron too. But they don't really count since they do that all the time," Loku said, shrugging.

"SHIIIIIIIT!" yelled Ginny, panicking and running around in circles. "Ooooh wait till that boy gets back! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!"

"Jeeze, everyone wants to kill Harry. First Mr. Fuck, and now Ginny? Who's next?" said Kyuki.

"Didn't we all just have incredibly painful hangovers a second ago?" said Hermione, suddenly appearing next to Loku.

"GAH! Where did you come from?!"

"Blame my parents..." said Hermione, rolling her eyes.

"Eh...Here's $50, don't tell anyone I made the hangovers go away," Loku whispered, handing Hermione $50.

"YAY!" cheered Hermy, spazzing out about the $50 and running around showing it to everyone. "FIFFFFFFFTYYYYYYY! THATS MORE THAN YOU, HA!" Hermy was standing right in front of the door when--

The door suddenly slammed open, Hermy was squished against the wall, and Harry stomped into the room, holding several grocery bags.

"YAY! I'M BAAACK!" yelled Harry.

"Erg, why does everyone have to YELL?! We're all in the same goddamn room!" complained Loku.

"Hey, I haven't said practically ANYTHING this chapter!" whined Mimi.

"I want some bacon!" wailed Ron.

"My foots asleep!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT?! JUST SHUT UP PEOPLE, JUST SHUT UUUUUUP!" Loku screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Jeeze, and you were the complaining about yelling," Ginny remarked, rolling her eyes.

Loku pulled out a gun and shot Ginny in the head. "ANYONE ELSE WANNA PISS ME OFF?!"

Everyone violently shook their heads and stared anywhere but at Loku.

Loku took a deep breath and smiled, "Good. Now, Harry, what did you bring for us?"

Harry instantly brightened as he rummaged through the bags, "I bought some beef jerky, a rubber chicken, some bacon--"

"YAAAAY! BACON!" interrupted Ron. Loku shot him in the head too and let Harry continue listing the items.

"--some floss, some playboy mag--I mean uhhhh magazines, and this great novel titled, "How to Find the Magical Golden Spork by Dr. F.G. Hobo!"

Everyone stared at him with jaws dropped and eyes bulging out.

Excitment radiated through the group as Loku snatched the book out of Harry's grasp and skimmed the pages feverishly.

"Hmm...rbbr chkens....wffles...flss oftn....Gldn Sprk...." Loku mumbled while her eyes searched the pages for information.

"EUREKA! We have to go to the....what? That can't be right...It says we have to go to Malfoy Manor to get the map that leads to the Golden Spork," said Loku, utterly dumbfounded.

"YAAAY! MALFOY'S HOUSE!" cried Harry dancing around the room happily.

"No, Harry, that's bad," explained Hermione.

Harry stopped in mid-groove, "Oh." They all stood in silence.

"Well...I guess we should to go Malfoy's place now," said Loku awkwardly.

Loku magically made Ginny and Ron alive again and they all left to go to Malfoy's House. YAY! Wait, I mean, BOO!

* * *

Well, that was the much awaited crapass 5th chapter! WOO HOO! Now, this time I shall tell you to review...in SONG!

Review...

Review...

Or be crushed...

Be crushed....

BY MY SHINY MUFFINS OF DOOM! o.0;


	6. Malfoy's House! YAY! Wait, BOO!

Woo hoo! 5 reviews! I'm so happy I could kiss you all!....if you weren't all miles away and yeah. o.0

Heh, I like calling Hermione Hermy, it's fun! xD

Hermy Hermy Hermy Hermy Hermy

OK, ummm yeah. I think I'll respond to my reviews now! :3

AandKerock - YAAAAY! I'm so happy you reviewed, you have no idea how much it means to me to get a review from someone other than one of my friends that I made read my fic xD Bwhahahaha! I hope I inflict more pain on you during the rest of the fic! D Yay!

Phantom of Insanity - NOOO! YOU DIDN'T EAT A MUFFIN TODAY AND GET HYPER?! BAD SCOTTY, BAD! :0 Anyway, you just gave me a great idea for this chapter! And I totally forgot that GIR was one of the characters in the story, so I'll make sure he gets a good part in this chapter! ;D

OH! I wanted to add one o them disclaimer thingies just because I want to x)

DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own anything. Well, except for Mr. Fuck! -hisssss- HE'S MIIIIINE! o.0;

Well, here it goes...

* * *

"Hmmm.....how are we gonna get in?" asked Loku, craning her neck to see at the end of the annoyingly long driveway of Malfoy Manor.

"OOOO! I KNOWZ!" screeched GIR. He pulled out a cellphone and rapidly dialed the numbers. Riiiiiiing.......Riiiiiing.....

"Uhm, hello?" came the voice of none other than Scotty.

"HIIIIII! I UNNO WHO YOU ARE CUZ I JUST PUSHED RANDOM BUTTONS.....BUT WE NEEDS TO GET IN THE BIG SHINY HOUSE FOR THE SPORKY THINGY!!" explained GIR.

"OMGZ! GIIIIIIIR! I'LL DO AAAANYTHING FOR YOOOOOU! I send over some spork-splosives right now!" squealed Scotty.

Three seconds later, 2 giant crates of spork-splosives fell out of the sky and landed with a loud CRASH AND OTHER COOL SOUND EFFECTS next to the band of people.

"Spiffy!" cheered Loku. "Alright, we need to formulate a plan. Any ideas?"

No one said anything. Harry opened his mouth for a second, but then closed it.

"Okaaaaay...so no one has a plan?" said Loku, scratching her head.

"LET'S JUST THROW THE GODDAMN SPORKS!" yelled a random member of the group in the back.

Loku shrugged, "Works for me,"

They were soon pelting Malfoy's house with the sporky bombs. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! (A/N: new style of evil laughter! xD)

"EEEEHEEEEHEEEEHEEE! THE HOUSE, IT ESPLODING! LIKE THAT COMMERCIAL WHEN THE WHOLE FAMILY GET'S DIAREHA!" GIR screeched, rolling around with laughter.

* * *

Some place with a TV....

"AHH! MOMMY! SPLOOSH"

"BAHAHAHAHA! I love this commercial..."

* * *

When the house was thoroughly blown to bits, they started their long, long journey up the steep driveway.

After 2 days and 1 night, they reached the top of the Malfoys' driveway.

"Jesus Christ, these people must not get out often if they have to go down this thing," panted Ginny, collapsing in front of the smoldering doorway. They all started exploring around the remnants of the estate.

On closer inspection, Loku found a small hand-crafted sign the used to hang on the door that meracuously wasn't incinerated.

"Oh.....shiiiiiiiiit...." said Loku, eyes wide with fear. "Guys....this isn't Malfoy's house!"

The whole lot of them was soon crowed around Loku, gazing at the sign that read:

**The Smith's Estate**

Once everyone contemplated the sign and realization dawned on them, they all looked up at eachother with huge eyes, and then at the smoldering crater that was once the Smith's mansion.

All at once everyone started freaking out and panicking. After about 10 minutes of screaming, bleeding, running around in circles, hitting, and blowing stuff up, Loku pointed out the real Malfoy Mansion, that of which the driveway was twice as long. Everyone groaned at this.

Another 2 days and 1 night later, they reached the foot of Malfoy Manor. Then blah blah blah they took 4 days and 3 nights to get to Malfoy's place.

"GODDAMN MALFOY AND HIS PAINFULLY LONG DRIVEWAY!" Harry bellowed, kicking the mansion, resulting in a throbbing toe.

"Well, we used up all the spork-splosives on the Smith's place, soooo...now what?" Loku once again questioned the group.

"OOO! MEEEEEE!" yelled GIR, jumping up and down and waving his arms around. Not waiting for a response of acknowledgement from Loku, he stated his plan, "We should all throw dooky at the windows and ride piggies on the roof!"

They all once again shrugged, and proceeded to pelt dooky at Malfoy's house.

"WHEEEEE! THIS REMINDS ME OF THAT ONE COMMERCIAL WITH THE ESPLODING HOUSE!"

* * *

The same place with the TV...

"AHH! MOMMY! BOOM"

"BAHAHAHAHA! This is even funnier than that diahrea commercial!"

* * *

"FUCK FUCKITY FUCKERSON!" shouted Mimi randomly in an attempt to actually say something in this chapter.

Ramming through the door, the group found Malfoy wrapped up tight in a straight jacket, lying on his side mumbling incoherently.

"I KNEW HE WAS CRAZY!" shouted Kyuki, pointing a finger at the quivering Draco.

"What's this? Guests for Draco? Heeheehee...." Draco murmered.

"ALRIGHT WE KNOW YOU KNOW WHERE THE FUCKIN GOLDEN SPORK IS!" Loku said, holding a large mallet over Draco's head.

"I swear, I knows noth--"

BANG BANG! "TALK BITCH!"

"BULL SHIT! I SAY KILL HIM NOW!" Ginny said, gabbing him in the neck with a gun.

"OK, OK! I keep the map....in my fanny! For comical purposes!" cried Draco.

Hermione bent down and unwinded a knob that had suddenly appeared on Draco's ass. She pulled out a stop sign, a plate of waffles, a pointy knife, and finally an old tattered map.

Ron's eyes shifted from left to right, and then swiftly kicked Draco in the side, causing him to yelp in pain.

"Ron!" Hermy said sternly.

"Hermione!" Ron whined.

"RON!" Ginny yelled.

"Ginny!" Harry wailed.

"Harry!" Loku said, giving him the evil eye.

"LOOOOKU!" Kyuki screamed, suddenly propelling herself forward for some unknown reason and knocking her to the ground.

"Mimi!" Mimi cried suddenly.

"GLARF!" Draco abruptly yowled.

Everyone turned to stare at Draco, then at each other.

"Uh...I guess we should just leave," Loku once again said awkwardly.

Following their quiet escape from Malfoy Manor, they all collapsed in exaustion.

When they woke, a member of their posse was missing.

"Where the hell is GIR?"

"RUUUUUN PIGGIE PIGGIE, RUUUUUN!" were the far away cries of GIR riding a pig on top of Malfoy's roof.

* * *

Heehee, wasn't that just great? xD Well, I thought it was funny, so you should too! Damn...how should I tell you to review this time? Hmmm...OH I KNOW!

OK BITCHES I'LL KILL DRACO IF YOU DON'T REVIEW! -mimics Ginny's gabing Draco in the throat-

Draco: HELP MEEEEEE!

QUIET YOU! -gabs again-


	7. Break Dance Party!

YAAAAAAAAY! They got the map! WOO HOO! YEAYUH! OK, anyway. I'm not responding to my reviews this time out of puuuuure Grade A laziness! -twitch- SPAZ! o.o

Sorry...I tend to randomly spaz lately. o.0;

-twitch twitch twitch- SPAZ

Well, this chapter was inspired by SCOTTY! YAY SCOTTY! And now for an advertisement!

**JOIN THE INSANE SPAMMING HOBOS TODAY TO MAKE ALL YOUR HOBO DREAMS COME TRUE....AND EAT MUFFINS AND THROW SPORKS! YAY SPORKS! xDD**

If you don't join I will eat you....so JOIN! -twitch- SPAZ!

eh, not really. I'll just feed you to Dr. Hobo! xD

* * *

After rescuing GIR from the rabid piggy, they stood around doing nothing.

"Soo...now that we have the map, what do we do now?" asked Ginny.

"Uh, I dunno. Maybe we should look at the map?" suggested Hermy.

"Nah, screw the map, I say.....BREAK DANCE PARTY!" screamed Loku, spazzing out and twitching uncontrolably.

An eruption of excited cheers of agreement resounded from the group.

"Yeah, finding the Golden Spork is gonna be easy from now on! Nothing can possibly go wrong!" said Ron, obviously jinxing it, but everyone was to deliriously insane at the moment to notice or care.

"Yea, dawgs. Les git down and start freakin, yo. Fo sho! Nuff said, let's stank dis place up!" Harry said, trying to act all black gangsta and doing some kind of weird ganster pose.

Everyone just stared at him and blinked.

"What the fuck did he just say?" asked a very confused Ron.

"Oh, that was just Harry's sad attempt to be zebra. I believe he said: Yeah, guys. Let's get down and start physically dancing really close. For sure! Enough said, let's stink this place up," explained Loku with her extensive slang knowledge.

(A/N: Zebra: White person trying to act black, just incase you couldn't figure it out. xD)

"WHAT'D YOU CALL ME, NIGGA?!" Harry yelled, advancing on Loku.

"A ZEBRA, ZEBRA! NOW STOP TRYING TO ACT BLACK!" Loku yelled back.

"You're just hatin' cuz I'm black, foo," Harry retorted, oblivious to Loku's quickly rising short temper.

"GODDAMN YOU! YOU'RE NOT BLACK, ASSHOLE! YOU HEAR ME? NOT BLACK AND NOT A GANGSTER! SO JUST SHUT UUUUUUUUP!" Loku screamed at the top of her lungs, her temper finally snapping.

Harry backed off and shrunk into the shadows.

"He wants us to stink this place up? I don't get it..." said Ron, still confused and equally as oblivious as Harry.

"YOU SHUT UP TOO!" bellowed Loku, now turning on Ron, eyes blazing red and foaming at the mouth.

"Eep...OK!" squeaked Ron.

"HEY! I thought we were gonna have a break dance party!!!" screeched GIR.

"OH! RIGHT!" Loku said. Their surroundings suddenly turned white. Loku then made them all appear in this big spiffy place with a flashy dance floor and cool music and shit like that.

"YAAAY!" cheered GIR, already starting to break dance and stuff.

"GIR! GIR! GIR!" chanted the group as he started doing the worm and spinning around on his head and other cool break dance moves.

"Grrrr....that damn robot is getting all the attention. I CRAVE ATTENTION!" Harry grumbled. "OH! I KNOW! I'll show everyone my mad break dancing skills and kick that robot to the curb, yo!" he said, continuing his rant to no one in particular.

"HEY EVERYONE! LOOK AT MEEEEEE!" Harry yelled, and suddenly started doing odd flopping around on the dance floor.

"Harry, what the HELL are you doing?" asked Ginny, weirded out by Harry's random spasm of movements.

"Uh...break dancing?" he said hopefully.

"No, Harry. Just, no."

Harry slumped and crept off the dance floor as GIR continued his uber cool dancing.

Plaster blasted everywhere, as usual triggering loud screaming.

"GASP! Lord Slash'n'Stab?!?!?" yelled Mimi, pointing at the figure that had appeared in the large gapping hole in the ceiling.

"Ha ha ha! I shall steal this map for no particular reason! Ha ha ha!" Lord Slash'n'Stab said, snatching the unguarded map off a nearby table and flew away on his evil dragon laughing...evily.

"Get back here with my boyfriend!" yelled Xandir, suddenly leaping across the hole after Lord Slash'n'Stab, who had stolen the lamp containing his boyfriend in Episode 3.

"XAAANDIR!"

"SHUT UP, LOKU!" everyone and a few bystanders shouted.

"DAMMIT! This is all your fault, Ron!" Ginny roared.

Everyone turned and started to advance on Ron, when Kyuki suddenly spoke up.

"NO! This is not the answer! Let's just go kill the Lord Stabby guy and get the map back! Killing Ron won't solve anything! Besides, Ron is HOT!" Kyuki ranted. Ron blushed and Hermy glared menacingly at Kyuki.

"Eew, Kyuki. No, just no," said Loku, disgusted at Kyuki's sudden liking for Ron.

"Fuck you!" said Kyuki, flipping off Loku.

"Fuck you!" mimiced Loku in a stupid high voice.

"That's real immiture!" Kyuki retorted.

"That's real immiture!" Loku repeated in the same exaggerated voice.

"You know what? I'm just gonna be quiet now," said Kyuki exasperatedly.

"GOOD!" replied Loku, sticking her tongue out.

"Well, I guess I'll just end the chapter here!" said Loku as she typed _Well, I guess I'll end the chapter here!_

* * *

GASP! OH NO! THE MAP HAS BEEN STOLEN! :0 Heh, don't worry, they'll get it back...eventually. e.e; 

Hmm...OH! I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!

I'll give you $100 and a muffin if you review! GO! NOW! REVIEW!...before the muffins get cold! ;D


	8. Thanksgiving Special

In honor of Thanksgiving (and because he lost a bet), Ron will be preforming a special Thanksgiving number just for you!

* * *

We rejoin the story at a blank stage with a regal red curtain streched behind.

"Go! Go out there NOW!" the voice of Loku urgently murmered.

"No WAY! I'm not going out there like THIS!" Ron quietly complained.

"DO IT BITCH!"

Ron suddenly got shoved on stage. The curtains pulled back to reveal a festive Thanksgiving backdrop.

Lively music started playing from some unknown source as Ron (dressed in a ridiculous turkey costume and a scowl on his face) started doing a funny jig and flapping his wings.

"Dun da da da! Ooooh I'm some stupid turkey, as stupid as they come! Cut off my head--" at this line, a giant axe swooped down and chopped the fake turkey head off the top of Ron's head.

"--Stuff me with bread. Go and suck your thumb!--" Everyone leaped out from behind the huge feathers fanning out from behind Ron and joined in the last line of the song, "GO AND SUCK YOUR THUUUUUUUUMB!"

An explosion of laughter came from the group and the readers at home. LAUGH DAMN YOU! IT'S IN THE STORY SO LAUGH IT UP!

"HAPPY THANKSGIVING!" shouted everyone except Ron, who was pouting in the center.

"Man, I'm never playing cards with you guys again..." he grumbled, making his way though the crowd and stalking off stage.

The Next Day....

"HEY LOOK, RON! YOU MADE THE FRONT PAGE!" said Ginny in all caps.

"Oh.....my.....GOD!" Ron shrieked in horror.

The headline read: TURKEY BOY IS A RIOT! and had a silly, embarrassing picture of Ron doing the Turkey Jig.

"Oh! And it's also on the front of the Daily Prophet, New York Times, the Quibbler, Turkey Digest, and...WHAT THE HELL? PLAYBOY MONTHLY?!" listed Harry.

"NOOOOOOOOOO--huh? Playboy Monthly?" said Ron curiously, grabbing the magazine out of Harry's hands and running off to view it.

"GET BACK HERE WITH MY GODDAMN MAGAZINE YOU BLOODY TURKEY HUMPER!"

"I DO NOT HUMP TURKEYS!...ALL THE TIME!" were the cries of Ron in the distance.

"Now let us go and partake in our wonderous feast!" said Loku, ignoring Harry's pursuit of Ron. The group all nodded in agreement and began to follow Loku to their Thanksgiving feast.

**THE EN**--

"WAITAMINIT! WHERE'S DR. HOBO?!"

The scene panned over to an overstuffed, obese, greasy Dr. Hobo sitting at a long, wooden table surrounded by empty plates and turkey bones.

"BUUUUUUUUUUUURP!" burped Dr. Hobo. "Pleease...pass....the....gravey..." said Doc Hobo groggily.

"DOCTOR HOBO!!!" everyone yelled, pulling out pitchforks, torches, and some guns.

Ron finally returned to the story after disposing of the magazines proclaiming his turkey act (all except the playboy one, that is).

Taking in the scene, he whooped in joy, "This is my kind of Thanksgiving! HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY! YEEEEEHAAAAAW!" he shouted, pulling out a shot gun and joining the mob in beating up Dr. Hobo.

* * *

So there you have it, an un-plot related Thanksgiving fizzlet for your enjoyment! Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Also, I drew this cute pic that goes with the story, check it out: **free webs.c om / monk ey gurl 166/ tur key. jpg **Just take out the spaces! Btw, it takes awhile to load, so I suggest do something else while you wait. o.o; 


	9. The Battle of the Muffin Fanatics

OHHH MUH GAAAAWD! I'm soooooo happy! -insane eye twitch- So many good reviews! ANNNND I gots me a new bf! YAYNESS! HE'S SO COOOL! -cough- Not that you INSENSITIVE ASSHOLES care about MY SOCIAL LIFE! I shall make you all happy too by responding and handing out the muffins I promised! -hands out muffins- Eh, sorry. I don't have $100. I'm broke. Heh.

Lady Moofin - Thankies! I enjoy writing it! xD -le gasp- YOU were on NEOPETS?! :0 Heh, I actually don't chat on the boards much anymore since all the people I chat with are the people on the guild board in TISHOS! :3 Muffins are like the best thing in exsistence. Except Axe, man that stuff is good. -ahem- ANYWAY lmao, married to the Moofin Man xD. Well....I'm married to Chris, so THERE! xP -thinks- Hmmm...I have been wanting to add more characters to the plot so -shrug- I guess I'll add you. xD But I am the secretest of secret Muffin Queen! POSEEEEER! -hiss- Heh. Yes, Draco shall stalk the group, good idea! x3

ThomasBenecke - Yesh, I is teh crazies xDDD I don't know what the Golden Spork shall be used for, but I don't want to give away any of the ideas I might have. ;D

Nelys1 - Heh, I just started reading JTHM. I really like Zim, so I figured I'd like JTHM too! They're like, nothing the same though. o.o; I love the one when he goes to Heaven and explodes peoples' heads! xD -dies laughing- SQUEEEE!

yoblossom - Yes, I turn lots of people into demented spork-loving psychos....YAY! xD

Evien - Heh, thanks dude. I shall put you in a random part! xD

Rose Black - Um, there is no point really. I just like to write stupid pointless funny shit. If you don't like my pointless little story, then get the hell out. o.0;

OK, now on with the chapter!!!!

* * *

When we last left this insane group of...people?, they were contemplating how to find Lord Slash'n'Stab and get the map back.

"Ya know, I wish someone with an endless supply of muffins would just appear out of no where and wasn't mean like Loku," Harry suddenly said.

"HIIIIIIII!" yelled a mysterious girl, leaping out of a nearby garbage can wearing a giant muffin crown and a spiffy cape thingy and a septer and a muffin on her shirt and all the typical ruler-type stuff. "MUFFINS FOR EVERYONE!" she shouted, throwing muffins everywhere.

"Man, I'm good! I wish for...a rabid chimpanzie!" Harry squealed, practically pissing his pants in excitment. He gazed fixedly around, waiting for a rabid chimpanzie to appear out of nowhere. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

"DAMN!" he yelled when nothing else came.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" said Loku, her sterio-typical redheaded temper going off as she jabbed her finger at the muffin-wielder.

"I am none other than Lady Moofin, the Muffin Queen! I'm married to the Moofin Man, the Muffin Man's older, sexier brother..." she ranted on.

Loku glared with malice at the muffin freak wannabe. How DARE she think she can waltz up here, start throwing muffins around, and then BAM say she's the Muffin Queen!

"LISTEN, BITCH, IF ANYONE AROUND HERE IS THE MUFFIN QUEEN IT'S ME! NOW GATHER UP YOUR STALE PIECES OF SHIT AND GO HOME!" Loku screamed at Lady Moofin.

"Jeeeeeeze, a little over protective, are we?" said Ginny. Big mistake.

"SHUT UP BITCH! ALL I EVER HEAR FROM YOU IS SARCASTIC SHIT AND I'M TIRED OF IT SO JUST....SHUT UP!" she bellowed, magically sticking a piece of unremovable duct tape across Ginny's big mouth. In a pointless effort to rip the tape off, she yanked and pulled at it.

"WHEEE! HIIIII!" shouted some random person named Evien, chewing on a random spork from the kitchen while holding a muffin. They then left after this random outburst.

"Dang, you are a meanie! By the way, I am SO the Muffin Queen, you are the wannabe!" retorted Lady Moofin.

"OK, BRING IT BITCH!" yelled Loku, grabbing a plastic lightsaber from Ron's pocket.

"IT'S ALREADY BEING BROUGHT!" Lady Moofin screeched back, brandishing her golden muffin-themed septer.

Their weapons clanged and clashed as they fought sword-fight style. Neither showed any weakness or signs of giving up anytime soon. Sweating like human faucets, they continued their fight until sunset. They didn't take notice to their surroundings at all or the fact that they were hitting other members of the group as well.

Their weapons met and their faces were just a few inches away from eachother.

"You're...pretty....good," Loku grunted.

"So...are...you," replied Lady Moofin, pulling away to continue the skirmish. After a few more minutes of relentless feuding, Loku spoke up once more.

"OK, I'm tired of this shit," Loku stated, pulling out a gun and holding it to Lady Moofin's head just before she was going to stab Loku through the head.

"Damnit! You cheated!" pouted Lady Moofin.

"Author," said Loku as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Since the brawl was pretty much over, they looked around at the scene. The ground was stained with blood, people were sprawled randomly around moaning in agony on the ground, and GIR was in a dismantled heap.

The two blinked for a few seconds in silence, then turned back to eachother.

"Wanna go get some tacos?" asked Loku cheerily.

"Sure!" replied Lady Moofin. Arm in arm, they left the battle field to go munch on tacos.

**Meanwhile...**

Draco was inching along on the dirt, his body pressed against the earth. His body was mangled, his platnum blonde hair was mussed, and his breathing was ragged.

"Must...find...morons..." he gasped as he made his way out of the Food-Poisoned Twinkie Forest of Doom after being ambushed by the killer twinkies.

He reached out and parted the leaves of a bush and gazed out into an open clearing, watching two muffin fanatics skip merrily toward the nearest Krazy Taco.

"Heheheh...there you are my prettys..." he mumbled, his eyes following their every move.

"VENGENCE WILL BE MIIIIIINE!!!" he screamed. Afterwards, he fainted from exaustion and lay there unconsious.

* * *

Yes, I know it's short, but I'm sort of having writers block and just stalling with stupid drabbles. Well, Lady Moofin, you are now added to the cast. No, I don't hate you, that was just for the chapter! xD I have no creative ways today to tell you to review, so I simply say REVIEW!

Oh, and btw, Happy Thanksgiving! ;D


	10. Random Restrants

**Heh, glad everyone liked it! xD If you guys could maybe give me some ideas for future chapters in your reviews, it would be much appreciated!**

**Lady Moofin - -gasp- Muffins and moofins are different? :0 Ah, well... I guess I won't be a moofin! xD Jk! At least I know I'm not alone in thinking they were the same. o.o; YES! TACOS ARE REALLY REALLY YUMMY! :D **

**Evien - Really? Whoa, that IS weird!....but friggin awesome! xD -grabs muffin- NO! YOUR EATING MY PEOPLE! SHAME ON YOU! -bites muffin- Anyway, you should totally join my guild thingy on Neopets! x3 My username is megneo666. Oh, and yes I will randomly make you appear in each chapter, m'kay? **

**Phantom of Insanity - Yesh, it's violent and funny....but mostly violent! YAY VIOLENCE! Man, when I just typed that word, it looked like violin. o0; You should feel special because you are my special spork supplying friend! xD Happy sporking!**

**OK, you know whats coming up. That's right! THE CHAPTER! **

**And...I would have put in dividers...but my damn computer isn't letting me edit it so...yeah. No lines this chapter. **

Loku and Lady Moofin finally froliced to Krazy Taco, and were patiently waiting in the huge, long line outside.

Well, not exactly patiently.

"GODDAMNIT! CAN THIS LINE MOVE ANY GODDAMN SLOWER?! WHAT THE HELL IS THE HOLD UP?!" yelled a frustrated Loku, banging her fist on a nearby mailbox.

Lady Moofin shrugged in response, "I unno."

At the front of the line...

"Um...I don't know, maybe I'll have the--no. Um, actually I'll have the--wait," a random indecisive customer said, scratching their head in thought.

The cashier was asleep, and all the other people behind the dude were getting really pissed off.

"So, whaddaya wanna do while we wait?" asked Loku.

"OOOOO! LETS PLAY I SPY!!!!" shrieked Lady Moofin.

"Uh...OK," replied Loku.

"I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE SOMETHING....RED, WHITE, YELLOW, AND GAY!" Lady Moofin shouted. Everyone turned to stare at her for her strange yelling.

"Oh! Oh! IS IT RONALD MCDONALD?! Wait--WHAT THE FUCK!? YO RONALD! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" Loku also shouted equally as loud. Many mothers covered their childrens' ears trying to block out Loku's profane language.

"I always come here on Mega Monkey Suck Mondays! Heehee!" giggled Ronald. He raped some random 4 year old before running away laughing insanely. Loku and Lady Moofin watched his gay departure for a few seconds, and then turned back to eachother.

"Damnit, this line is way too long! Let's go to Bloaty's Pizza Hog instead!" suggested Loku.

"Okie dokie!" replied Lady Moofin.

Loku, being the author, made them instantly appear outside Bloaty's.

"YAAAAY! BLOATY'S!" cheered Loku, rampaging to the door. "Grrr.....why won't it open?!?!?!" growled Loku, pushing with her entire body weight on the door that clearly read **PULL **on the handle in big, bold letters that only an idiot could miss.

Lady Moofin strolled up and easily pulled open the other door that Loku wasn't pushing on.

"OOOOH! HAHA! I GET IT!" Loku cried stupidly, clapping a hand to her forehead in realization.

The pair sauntered into the greasy greasiness of Bloaty's, where they found those giant singing robots of Bloaty's little pals and some icky obese guy wearing a Bloaty costume. Little kids were swarming him, crawling over every inch of his flabby body. Annoying theme music squeaking "Bloaty's Pizza Hog! Bloaty's Pizza Hog!" over and over played from somewhere in the restrant. As usual, Gaz sat in a booth in the far back corner avidly playing her Game Slave.

Evien waved enthusiastically from a booth nearby, but they obviously did not see...him? Her? I don't know what it is. Ahem. Sorry, Evien. xD

"WHEEE! I'M HUNGRY! LET'S EAT!" hollered Lady Moofin, dashing to the cashier.

"Welcome to Bloaty's Pizza Hog, may I take your order?" drawled the cashier in a nazally voice.

"HELLOOOOO! I WANT A LARGE CHEESE PIZZA WITH EXTRA GREASE PLEEEEEASE!" squealed Lady Moofin with her tongue poking out stupidly like GIR.

Meanwhile...

"HIIIIII GAZ! OOO, WHATS THAT!? IS THAT A GAME SLAVE?! WHEE! I LIKE GAMES AND I LIKE TACOS TOO! TACOS ARE GOOD!" rambled Loku rather loudly into Gaz's ear. Gaz growled and suddenly socked Loku in the face. She resumed her intent Game Slaving.

Back to Lady Moofin...

"That'll be $1,000,000,000 in cash please,"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?! NO WAY FUCKER! I AIN'T PAYIN THAT KINDA CASH FOR A LOUSY PIZZA! FUCK YOU! I'M OUTTA HERE!" Lady Moofin angrily yelled at the cashier.

She stalked over to Loku, grabbed Loku under her arm and stomped out of the restrant, slamming the door and breaking the glass on the way out.

"Well, we've tried Krazy Taco and Bloaty's....OOOO! HOW ABOUT MAC MEATIES?!" Loku once again suggested another Invader Zim fast food restrant.

"Hmm...OK!" agreed Lady Moofin. They were soon transported to Mac Meaties thanks to Loku's ability to do anything.

They pulled open the door, and they were shocked at what they saw sitting at a booth in the center of the fast food joint.

"OH MY GOD IT'S LORD SLASH'N'STAB!" screamed Loku.

"Huh? OH! HI GUYS! WANNA COME HAVE SOME OF MY MAC MEATY BURGER?!" asked Lord Slash'n'Stab, waving his greasy burger in the air.

The both of them shrugged and joined Lord S'n'S at his table.

"So, how have you two been? I've been just great! Especially since I stole that piece of rubbish from you guys!" giggled Lord S'n'S, carefully dividing his burger into three equal pieces.

"--and my dog did the cutest thing today he--SON OF A BITCH! I MADE THIS PIECE 1 MILLIMETER BIGGER THAN ALL THE OTHERS! NOW I HAVE TO GO BUY ANOTHER BURGER! Excuse me, I'll be right back." Lord S'n'S got up and went to go order another burger.

Loku and Lady Moofin both exchanged mischievious glances, and suddenly tore into Lord S'n'S's pink purse that was lying on the seat next to Loku.

They pulled out the map (duh), his wallet, his diary, some cash, and the lamp containing Xandir's boyfriend.

"GET READY FOR SOME DEEELISH BURGER CHUNKS LADIES!" Lord S'n'S trilled, stepping girlishly toward their booth holding a new burger.

"SHIT! He's coming back!" Loku hissed loudly. She scooped up the belongings and shoved them into Lady Moofin's hollow Muffin Crown thingy.

"Here you are gi--DID YOU LOOK IN MY FUCKING PURSE?!" asked Lord S'n'S, snatching up his purse that lay askew on the table top.

"NO! We didn't rumage through your purse and take the map, your wallet, your diary, your money, and that lamp with Xandir's bf in it! NOPE! NO SIR WE DID NOT TAKE THAT STUFF!" said Loku unconvincingly.

"That's RIGHT you DIDN'T if you know what's GOOD FOR YOU!" Lord S'n'S said menacingly, narrowing his eyes.

"Now, who wants some burger?" questioned Lord S'n'S cheerfully, holding out the dripping burger.

**Well, I'm hella tired so I guess I'll end the chapter here! Yes, I tend to make a lot of the males in this story all gay. But it's FUN! xD The next chapter will be a continuation of what happened in this chapter. Thanks to all those who are reviewing! Now, continue to please me and REVIEW! And Draco will be back next chapter, I just wanted to emphisize them getting the map back. YAY!**


	11. The Longest Chapter EVER!

**Sorry for the semi-long wait, guys. I've just had this fucking writers block. Most of this is going to be stupid random shit. Hope you like it! xD And, from now on I'm not putting those damn dividers in. They're more trouble than they're worth. Fuck the dividers.**

**This is like, the longest chapter EVER! WHEEE! xD**

**Evien - Roflmao. Sorry again. xD Awh, don't feel unloved! D: -gives cookies- D WHEE! You joined my guild! You are an offical Insane Spamming Hobo of Sporks. xD**

**Onka - Heehee, you remind me of Draco. xDD; Thankies much for the compliment, I appreciate it. :D**

**pheobe666 - Thankies! And look, I updated just for you, my fellow redhead! :D**

**Phantom of Insanity - Er, OK. -writes down Scotty's order- Do you want fries with that? Oh, uber spiffy spork! xD**

**xxLullaby of Lightxx - Heehee, yuppers. It's RANDOM! Randomness pwns, as me and Scotty usually say. ) Sure, I shall randomly make you appear also! :D Yesh, bow down to me, pitiful worm demon! :D**

**Lady Moooooofiiiiiin! WHERE ARE YOU?! AHHH! LADY MOOOFIN I NEEED YOOOU! D:**

**...Okie dokie, now on with more demented craziness! **

Loku rubbed her belly and sighed with contentment, "Damn, that was some goooooOOOOooood eatin'!"

Some random guy from the Deelishus Weenie Corp. randomly burst in and yelled, "DEEEELIIIIIISSSSSSHUUUUUUSSSSS WEEEEEENIEEEEEESSSSS!" A flood of giant weenies suddenly came tumbling into the room.

"Make him die, Daddy!" squeaked a little boy in line. His dad pulled out a gun and shot the Deelishus Weenie man in the head.

"Well, ladies, I must be off for my manicure! Ta ta!" Lord S'n'S squealed, strutting out the door, his empty pink purse dangling from his arm. Once outside, he began skipping gaily down the street singing, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel jolly and happy and GAY!"

Loku and Lady Moofin stared after the sick, sick ebil dude.

"That's some fucked up shit," commented Lady Moofin, trying to rid her mind of sick evil gay Lords dancing around.

"HEEEY GUYS WASSSSUPPPP!" shrieked Evien as she strolled up to their booth.

"HI EVIEN!" chorused Lady Moofin and Loku.

Kyuki suddenly ran screaming into the restrant wearing absolutely nothing while swinging her Spork-Chucks. "STREAKING RUUUUUUUULES!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, KYUKI?! YOU'VE SCARRED ME FOR LIIIIIIIIFE!" shieked Loku, shielding her eyes from the unpleseant scence.

"I ish teh Spork Ninja, Kyuki! I belong to a clan of sporky ninjas from long ago! Fear my Spork-Chucks of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--"

"MY ANUS HAD RATS IN IT!" said some random fucktard.

"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---"

"Hmm, I wonder how long this will last?" said Evien, reading a book upside-down titled, "Sporks : A User's Guide"

"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM," finished Kyuki, out of breath and collapsing on the floor in a naked heap. Lady Moofin dumped the garbage can over her body sprawled on the floor to block her eyes from seeing anymore unwanted images.

"Pfffft this Fan Fic is so STOOPID and LAAAAME!" said a fucking critic.

"Well, you're just a dick. A gay dick," stated Loku.

"(BLEEEEP)" said the fucking critic, giving Loku the finger and dashing out of the restrant.

"Dear Diary, Today I stole a piece of shit from a random group of people for no particular reason! It's some old piece of paper with strange markings on it. Pure rubbish. I think I might burn it tomorrow! WHEE! I also finally saved up enough money to buy that adorable pink blouse! YAAAAY! Man, me and Genie have fucked soooo much! He's such a great guy. Hopefully Xandir never finds out! I LIKE CHEESE! I EAT SOCKS! I HAVEN'T CHANGED MY UNDERWEAR IN WEEKS AND I FEEL GOOOOOD!"

"XOXOXOXOXOXOXOBLAHBLAHBLAH Lord Slash'N'Stab," recited Lady Moofin as she read the most recent entry of Lord S'n'S's diary aloud.

Everyone was silent for a second, before they burst out laughing hysterically. Except for Xandir, who had appeared out of thin air.

"YOU MEAN GENIE CHEATED ON ME! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Xandir cried in anguish, fleeing from the restrant.

"Oh my GOD! BAHAHAHA! That is some funny shit!" sighed Loku, wiping a tear from her eye.

People were laughing so hard that they all exploded. Loku and Lady Moofin decided to burn Mac Meatie's to the ground. They poured gasoline everywhere, grabbed Kyuki, and traveled about 100 yards from the area.

"BOMBS AWAY! BWHAHAHAHAHA!" shrieked Loku with an insane glint her eye as she somehow propelled the match to Mac Meatie's and blew it up in a firey explosion. YAY!

"How much money does this guy have?" questioned Lady Moofin, snapping open Lord S'n'S's wallet. "HOLY SHIT! LOOK AT ALL THIS CASH!"

Lady Moofin started snatching fist fulls of money out of the pint-sized wallet. Loku gasped in shock and also proceeded to grab wads of cash.

Evien and Lullaby of Light appeared out of no where and also started grabbing money. "WHEEE! WE'RE RICH!"

A montage of scenes with the song "Funky Town" followed this. We first see all four wearing fluffy pimp jackets in a room lined with mirrors while striking poses. "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!"

FLASH! The foursome are scattered randomly along a glass counter pointing out jewelry and shit, "I want this one, and this one..."

FLASH! They're all in a Pimpmobile with hott shirtless guys. "WHEEEEE!"

FLASH! Scotty's face spookily floats around laughing insanely. WTF?!

(End montage)

"I AM TEH POPTART QUEEN! MUHAHAHAHA--" proclaimed Evien, but was cut off by a torent of hacking a coughing. She grabbed a glass of water and chugged it down. "Ah, much better."

"Well, we should probably be leaving. BYEEE!" called Loku as she and Lady Moofin bolted from the area.

"YOU CAN HAVE THIS LAMP!" shouted Lady Moofin behind her, throwing the lamp containing Genie over her shoulder.

When Loku and Lady Moofin rejoined the rest of the group, they were all gathered around Dr. Hobo listening to one of his stories.

"So the potato was a metaphor for the labor market in Russia?"

"What? **NO**! It's a fnuckin **_TATER_**. Lay off da hooch, man!" replied Dr. Hobo.

"HIII GUYS!" shouted Lady Moofin.

"HIIII!" everyone else yelled back.

"Look what we got!" said Loku, waving the map in the air.

"YAAAY!" everyone cheered.

"Can we look at the map NOW?" asked Hermy impatiently.

"SUUURE!" replied Loku as she tore into the map.

**Hermy** snatched the map out of Loku's hands and feverishly scanned it.

"Wait, what does that say? HERMY?!" said Hermy Hermione, gazing up at the last sentence. "FUCK YOU, LOKU!"

Loku promptly gave **Hermy** the finger.

"STOP CALLING ME HERMY! AHHHH!" Hermy overloaded and spontainiously combusted.

"NOOOOOO! NOW WHO WILL I FUCK WITH?!" cried Ron, leaping on the smoking black area that Hermione was once standing and started to sob hysterically.

"Hmmm...OH I KNOW!" said Loku, snapping her fingers. Ron also spontainiously combusted on the spot. "There, problem solved!" Loku said cheerfully, clapping her hands together.

Kyuki abruptly woke up and began running about screeching and stabbing people with her Spork Kunais and Shurikens. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Erm, Kyuki? I think it's time we put you back in your nice, padded room," said Mimi gently. Mimi suddenly turned ferocious and lunged at Kyuki, trying to wrap her in a straight jacket.

"KYUUUKI! GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!"

"NEVER! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

The two of them ran off in the distance screaming like lunatics and destroying everything in their path on accident. Well, for Mimi it was accidental. Kyuki was another story. -cough-

Anyway, the others gazed fixedly at the map.

"I don't get it," said Harry, scratching his head in confusion.

Ginny smacked him in the back of the head.

"OW! What was that for?"

"For being stupid," Ginny replied.

"OK." said Harry, cowaring in fear of being smacked again.

Meanwhile...

Draco sidled along the trunk of a large tree and peered behind it to view the group.

"Heheheheh....I will get you yet..." murmered Draco, pulling out his wand and aiming it directly at Loku.

"Has anyone besides me noticed that there hasn't been ANY magic at all so far?" questioned Ginny.

"Well maybe there WOULD have been if SOMEONE hadn't broken my wand in the first chapter!" said Harry, glaring fiercely at Loku.

"Psssh, not my fault you were being a fucking gayass," said Loku shrugging.

Several jets of green light suddenly shot out of some nearby trees and singed Loku's hair.

"OK WHOEVER THE HELL JUST FUCKING RUINED MY HAIR IS GONNA FUCKING PAY!" roared Loku, red in the face and storming over to the trees.

"Eep! Sorry, I was aiming for you're body!" cried the familiar voice of Draco.

"OMGZ! DRACO IS A TREE!?!" yelled a shocked Lady Moofin.

"No, stupid, he's hiding **_behind_** the tree," explained Ginny.

Draco stepped out from behind a tree and glanced around nervously at everyone.

"Oooooh!" said Lady Moofin, slapping a hand to her forehead in realization. She then zipped over to Draco and squished him in a giant bear hug.

"DRAAAAACOOOOO! I LOOOOOVE YOOOOOU!" she screamed, still squeezing the life out of him.

"Realeasious Huggious!" shouted Lullaby of Light from out of nowhere. Lady Moofin was magically forced to release Draco.

"HE'S MINE!" Double L screeched, grabbing Draco and snogging him senseless.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! FUCK OFF HE'S MINE!" Lady Moofin yelled, grabbing Draco back and also snogging him senseless.

"MINE!" Double L screamed, snatching Draco back and snogging him.

"MINE!" Lady Moofin bellowed back, clutching Draco and dragging him back to herself and snogging him.

"MINE!" Grab, snog.

"MINE!" Grab, snog.

"MINE!" Grab, snog.

"MINE!" Grab, snog.

"MINE!" Grab, snog.

"MINE!" Grab, snog.

"OK! THAT'S IT! FUCKIOUS OFFIOUS!" Loku hollered, making the other two magically back away from Draco.

"What the hell do you want?!" questioned Loku

"UH, actually I don't know. I just like to stalk people," replied Draco, shrugging.

"...Get the hell out of here."

Draco took no time in fleeing the area. And fleeing the country. YAY!

"Well, lets go and figure out what this map means," said Ginny, gesturing towards the forgoten piece of paper.

**Ooooh, will they ever actually read the map? I don't know! Maybe they won't! Tune in to the next chapter to find out, or maybe not! WHO CARES! JUST REVIEW! xDD**


	12. POTATO FIGHT!

**Aw, sorry guys! I've been sick and depressed lately...fucking moron Chris...-cough- ANYWAY! Now the moment you've all been waiting for...-dramatic pause- THE REVIEW RESPONSES! :D**

**Oh, btw, there are some reviews from past chapters that I didn't respond to, so I shall reply to them now. :D**

**QuEEnSeRb716 - I'm glad that my story could make your day! Have fun reading the rest, hun! :D**

**onigirl v - Heheh, thankies! Yes, it is the greatest thing in the whole bloody freaky world. xD**

**xxLullaby of Lightxx - -joins in happy dance- WHEEE! :3 Tracking devices PWN! x3**

**Evien - ROFLMAO. I know, reading upside-down does hurt...I did it today in homeroom. Ouch. x.o Sniffing the guy next to you thats wearing Axe is FUN! :D -also hops on llama- HI HO SILVER! AWAY!**

**Lady Moofin - Aw, that's OK. :D My computer sucks too so...you're not alone. xD Do you have AIM or MSN or anything? :/**

**And now to the chapter. :)**

Loku and Lady Moofin ran about the area screaming about rubber pants and chucking muffins at everyone. "MUFFIN'D!" they both cried simultaneously with every direct hit of one of those uber potato muffins.

"YAY! THAT WAS SO POTATO!" yelled Loku.

"Um...what the hell is 'potato?'" asked Ginny.

"My friend and I think the word 'cool' is waaaay overused, so instead we say potato," Loku explained.

"...Uh, OK. Whatever," said Ginny in dull, monotone voice.

"When are we gonna look at the map?" whined Hermy.

"……………HERMY!" Loku screeched, trying to make Hermy spontaniously combust again and/or burst into flame. Bwhaha.

Hermy's eye twitched rapidly, but she maintained her composure and stalked over to go fuck Ron.

"WHEEE! LOOK AT MY SHINY SPORK SHURIKEN!" shouted Kyuki triumphantly, brandishing a glistening spork shuriken.

"WE DON'T CARE ANYMORE! THAT WAS SO LAST CHAPTER!" screamed some random fuckoff character.

"…DIE BITCH!" Kyuki shrieked, pouncing on the random fuckoff character and stabbing them ferociously. Yay! Violence!

Suddenly, a shadowed figure appeared above the horizon. It let out a malevolent cackle and began to speak in a horrible, booming voice, "I AM THE LORD OF EVIL! THE MASTER OF PAIN AND MISERY! I AM--DOH!" Whatever the hell that thing is was interupted by a frosted muffin making contact with it's head, causing the group to break out in hysterical laughter.

"Honestly, who throws a muffin?" said the thing as it plucked the muffin from it's head.

"Show yourself evil thingy!" commanded Loku.

"Well, I was GETTING to that! Ahem, I AM FLUFFY! THE ADORABLE BUNNY OF SCREAMING TEMPORAL DOOM! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"AHHHHG! IT BURNS!"

"MY EYES! THEY BLEEEEED!"

"OH MY GO--wait. Fluffy the adorable bunny of screaming temporal doom?"

"...Yes. That is me."

Everyone stopped screaming to stare at the fluffy pink bunny standing before them. They all once again burst into a torrent a hysterics.

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! BAHAHAHAHA!" Loku gasped between laughter.

"Grr...I command you to stop laughing! GODDAMN YOU PEOPLE! STOP LAUGHING!" yelled Fluffy. Pfft, Fluffy. BAHAHAHAHA.

The group didn't calm down for another 10 minutes. "Thank you. Now I wa--" at the sound of his squeaky voice, everyone once again started laughing.

"OK, ASSHOLES! THE NEXT FUCKING PERSON WHO EVEN THINKS OF LETTING OUT ONE MORE MEASLY CHUCKLE WILL HAVE THEIR ASS BLOWN OFF STRAIGHT TO THE FUCKING MOON!" shouted Fluffy into a bullhorn in one paw and a bazooka in the other.

The laughter instantly ceased. Instead, they all started cooing and petting him.

"Awwwwww! Look at the precious little bun-bun!" squealed Harry.

"FUCK YOU!" responded Fluffy.

"Isn't that the cutest thing when he says 'Fuck you'?" Loku said, scritching behind Fluffy's pink, floppy ears.

"Grr..." grumbled Fluffy.

"POKE OF DOOM!" GIR shouted suddenly and began rapidly poking at Fluffy.

"OW! OW OW OW! OWWWW!"

After the cooing and poking thing got old, they sat around doing nothing listening (but not really) to Fluffy rant about being evil and shit; when suddenly, "POTATO FIGHT!" Loku declared.

Potatoes were soon being chucked in everywhich direction; and maybe a couple muffins were thrown in too.

Kyuki and Loku got bored (WHOA! LOKU GOT BORED DURING A POTATO/MUFFIN FIGHT?! :0) so they pulled out laptops and began Instant Messaging on Yahoo IM.

**Loku**: HI!

**Kyuki**: Yo.

**Loku**: FWEE! I'm gonna put the doodler thing on.

**Kyuki**: Yay! :3

Loku has uploaded the "Doodler" IMvironment

_Loku then drew a picture of a cup of Ramen Noodles, and then drew a knife going through it with blood squirting out._

**Loku**: Bwhahahaha! :D

**Kyuki**: Nuuuu! D:

_Kyuki then scribbled in red over the drawing and then erased it by making a new page. She wrote the word "Math" and then drew a muffin and a cup of Ramen Noodles. She drew a "greater than" sign between the two pointing towards the Ramen Noodles._

**Kyuki**: :D

This continued for quite some time with various doodles of Ramen being blown up or muffins being destroyed.

"ASPARAGUS CHIA WIND-UP TOYS FOR EVERYONE!" Kyuki yelled randomly, whipping out a sack of Asparagus Chia Wind-up Toys she stole from the Advent Calender on Neopets and distributed them around the group by chucking them around wildly.

"What the hell is an 'Asparagus Chia'?" asked Ginny.

"YAY!" cheered everyone else.

"NOW LET US TAKE OVER JELLY WORLD WITH OUR ASPARAGUS TOYS OF DOOM! BWHAHAHAHAHA!" cried Kyuki.

"Er...Jelly World doesn't exsist...heheh of course not. STOOPID!" said Donna randomly as she popped up from a nearby bush. Kyuki smacked her in the forehead with an Asparagus Chia Wind-up Toy. "DIE BITCH!"

"I AM THE LORD OF EVIL! FEAR ME!" screamed Fluffy.

"Dude, you're still here? You can just...leave now," said Loku dismissively.

"...BEWARE THE SHOE!" cried Fluffy, throwing a shoe towards Loku and dashing off into the woods.

They all once again got bored, so they built a giant tower made of muffins.

"Isn't it beautiful?" sniffed Loku, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Mmm...tasty!" said Ron.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT TOWER, FUCKTARD!" Loku warned menacingly.

Ron wimpered and backed away into the shadows.

After they were done admiring their uber potato tower of muffins, they went to go frolic and play and blah blah blah.

Little did they know, an Asian little electric potato rat thing was also admiring the tower...plus he's hungry.

"Pika! Pi pika chu!" cried the little rat thing known as Pikachu. I'm pretty sure this translates as "I'm going to eat the muffin tower." Either that, or "Please pass the cheese."

Pikachu bounded up to the tower and began to devour it muffin by muffin until it was no more. After the group was done gaily frolicing around, they strolled back over to the muffin tower to find it was no longer there. Instead, there was a rather large, obese Pikachu lying there.

Everyone broke out into hysterical sobs.

"Why?! WHY?! It was so young..." blubbered Loku.

After they mourned for the loss of the tower, they turned on Pikachu.

"YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH! YOU ARE SO DEAD!" screamed Loku, advancing on the rodent with a large bazooka.

"Pi pika chu! Pika pi pika chu pi--"

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE ASSHOLE! YOU ATE MY TOWER! YOU MUST DIE!" cried Loku. She began firing at the little defenseless rat who was too damn stupid to use it's powers. Everyone else followed suit and began beating/shooting it with random objects.

Once it was throughly blown to bits, they threw a big party in celebration of the death of Pikachu. Surprisingly millions of Pikachu haters showed up, even Ash.

**Well, that's all you're getting from me for now. Roflmao. The next chapter will be the Christmas Special which will most likely be released on Christmas Day or Christmas Eve. Depends on how lazy I am. Anyway, continue reviewing and keeping me happy. :D**


	13. Christmas Special Pt 1

**Here's that Christmas Special I promised! ENJOY! And btw, they are still some how in The Food-Poisoned Twinkie Forest of Doom, incase you didn't know. xD**

"Hey, guys! I'm passing out invitations to my CHRISTMAS PARTY! WHEEE!" proclaimed Loku as she zoomed around giving invitations to her Christmas Party:

_You are invited..._

**TO THE POTATOEST CHRISTMAS PARTY EVER!**

Bring one food dish of any kind to share...it's one of those...what's it called? OH YEAH! POTLUCKS!

Be here by 6 **_sharp_** on Christmas Eve. If you're not...then I'm going to kick your fucking ass.

Much love and muffins,

-Loku

"YAY! CHRISTMAS PARTY!" cried Evien from out of no where.

"I'm going to go get my dish RIGHT NOW!" said Lady Moofin as she sprinted away through the woods.

_**5:59 on Christmas Eve...**_

"They better show up right at six or I'll be kicking some major ass," said Loku, gazing at her watch while counting down the seconds left until 6. "3...2...1..."

_**6:00 on Christmas Eve...**_

Everyone suddenly showed up right at 6. Loku was silently cursing them because she didn't get to kick anyone's ass. All were silent when they saw what everyone had brought.

For each and every person was holding a carton or bowl or _something_ containing...EGGNOG!

"DAMMIT! WE ALL BROUGHT THE SAME THING! FUCK SHIT ASS HELL DAMN!" cursed Loku, slamming her glass bowl of eggnog on the ground causing it to shatter and send glass flying everywhere. A shard landed in the side of her head and eggnog splashed her feet.

It took Loku about 10 seconds to realize that there was a glass shard piercing her head and leaking blood everywhere.

"AHHHHG! THERE'S A GLASS SHARD IN MY HEAD! IT'S POKING MY BRAAAAAAIN!"

"What brain?" remarked Ginny sarcastically. She does that a lot.

Mimi casually strolled up to the frantically spazzing Loku and plucked the shard protruding from her skull and slapped a Spongebob band-aid over the gash.

"YAY! I'M SAVED!" cried Loku as she snuggled Mimi in a bone-crushing hug.

"Ok...you can let go now," Mimi gasped. Loku abruptly released her, sending her cascading to the ground in a heap.

"Hey! How about we just put all the eggnog in one giant vat and have an EGGNOG PARTY!" suggested Kyuki.

"w00t! EGGNOG PARTY!" cheered everyone as Kyuki wheeled out a huge, empty metal vat that was soon to be filled with eggnog.

Little did they know that Dr. Hobo had spiked his eggnog, which means that all the eggnog in the vat was quickly contaminated by his share of eggnog.

With the help of Harry, Ron, and Hermy, who were dressed as little elves that Loku was using as her elf-slaves, Kyuki distributed glasses of the eggnog.

"Here's to finding the Golden Spork!" toasted Loku as she raised her glass.

"Here, here!" chanted everyone else as they also lifted their glasses up. Everyone took a long slurp of eggnog and immediately started gagging. Besides Dr. Hobo, who kept slurping his until it was all gone.

"UGH! What the hell is in this shit?" asked Evien, coughing up the tainted eggnog.

"Hmm...probably my eggnog. You shee, I spiked it!" Dr. Hobo explained excitedly, gazing around smiling drunkenly at everyone.

"Ooooooooh," said everyone. They quickly glanced at their almost full glasses of eggnog, then at Dr. Hobo, then at eachother, before finally shrugging and gulping it down.

After the entire vat was emptied of the last drop of eggnog about 3 hours later, everyone was nausiatingly drunk.

"NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO TELL ALL YALL MAH CHRISTMAS STORY!" yelled Loku as she staggered drunkenly around, clutching a tree for support.

Everyone was surprisingly able to drag themselves over to gather around Loku.

"OK, OK! NOW JUST YOU LISTEN! OK, OK! NOW! The titanic wasn't killed by no ice berg, lemme tell ya that. NOPE! It was all the GINGERBREAD MEN! They built a giiiiiiant frosty ice berg made of frostin and shit like that and came aboard and killed all da people! HEHEHEHEH! Then dey met up wid their alis, the EVIL PANDA BEARS! Yup, yup! And they teamed up with the yetis! Who were disguised as the dads! So now yall better go and pray, "My daddys not a yeti...HE'S NOT A YETIIIIIII!"

After Loku's enchanting tale, she doubled over and was violently sick all over Ron; who didn't seem to mind since he was too busy doing other things with Hermy.

GIR, since robots don't really get drunk, was lounging about up in a tree guzzling a chocolate-bubblegum smoothie while watching what everyone else was doing.

Kyuki, as she usually does when she gets drunk, ran around streaking and rapping yet another Eminem song.

"These chicks don't even know the name of my band

but they're all on me like they wanna hold hands

cuz once I blow they know that I'll be the man

all because I'm the lead singer of my band--"

Dr. Hobo sent 3 bottles of hooch Kyuki's way. "SHET UP!" You can probably guess what him and Mimi were doing...

Kyuki caught all the bottles in her mouth and was struggling to get them open so she could consume whatever was inside.

Lady Moofin and Evien were doing some sort of strange waltz to electric kazoo music, provided by Harry.

Ginny was running around randomly slapping people with that rubber chicken from back in chapter 4 and chewing on beef jerky and bacon. "NI-I-ICE PANTS!" she screamed randomly throughout the night as her catch phrase.

Just as everyone was having a great, drunk time...the cops showed up.

"FREEZE!" yelled the S.W.A.T team leader and his sqaud as they leaped out of the surrounding trees and bushes and pointed guns at them all.

They all froze.

"Have any of you been consuming alcohol?!" questioned the leader as he took in the scene of streaking, dancing, slapping, and !" shouted Loku as she dashed into the woods. Everyone else followed suit and quickly ran in all directions into the forest.

Fortunately, the S.W.A.T team was devoured by rabid squirrels before they could persue the group any further.


	14. Christmas Special Pt 2

**Part 2! ;D**

_**Later...**_

The group had met up again in a clearing far, far away from those S.W.A.T dudes.

They had all pretty much become sober and remembered what they had planned for the rest of this chapter.

"GIFT EXCHANGE!" shrieked Loku. You see, behind the scenes of the fanfic, the group had all pulled names out of Draco's hollow ass. Since there were only 11 characters in the fic, they decided to throw in Scotty too.

First up was Kyuki. She strolled over to Evien and held out her gift. "Here ya go, Evien!"

"YAY! Thanks, Kyuki!" said Evien as she took the present and began tearing the paper off. "OH MY GOD! Thanks again!" cried Evien as she hugged Kyuki and displayed her gift which was a box of poptarts.

Speaking of Evien, it was her turn. She ambled up to Harry and gave him a large box. "Hope you like it," she said with an evil grin.

Harry was unsure of the gift he held, but he decided to just open it anyway.

Out jumped Mr. Fuck carrying a big-ass machine gun from of the brightly colored box. "MISS ME, BITCH?"

"AHHHHHHG!" screamed Harry as he ran out of sight into the woods with Mr. Fuck in tow.

"BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! -hack cough-" Evien was cut off by a fit of coughing and ran off to get a glass of water, chugged it, and ran back.

Next was Loku. She revealed a present from behind her back and walked over to Kyuki who was laughing her ass off about Mr. Fuck killing Harry.

"Here ya go, pal!" said Loku cheerfully as she held out the present to her friend.

"Thanks, Loku!" replied Kyuki equally cheerful as she receieved the gift. She haphazardly ripped off the spork-printed paper and pulled out a brand new set of glistening Spork Shurikens.

"OMGZ! THANKS LOKU!" screeched Kyuki excitedly. "I needed a new set!"

"Yeah, I noticed your old pair was getting kind of blood-stained and bleh," said Loku.

Mimi stepped up to Loku and held out a small pink gift bag with tiny muffins printed on it. Loku eagerly snatched the bag away and ripped through the tissue paper.

"YAY! A MUFFIN!" cried Loku triumphantly as she clutched a simple muffin in her hands. "THANKS!"

Mimi shrugged, "Don't mention it."

Harry suddenly came staggering out of a nearby clump of bushes, bloody, bruised, and brutally beaten. He held out a lump wrapped in newspaper to Hermy.

"Er, thanks, Harry," said Hermy as she took the crap-ass gift. She swiftltly removed the wrapping and held up what was in the parcel; a rock.

Hermy gasped, "THIS IS PERFECT, HARRY!" She turned to her left and threw the rock at Ron's head.

"THATS FOR NOT GETTING ME A GIFT YOU BASTARD!" she screamed.

"Hey! I didn't pick you!" he retorted, rubbing his head in the spot where Hermy hit him.

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! YOU COULD HAVE STILL GOTTEN ME SOMETHING!" Hermy shrieked back at him.

"...I love you!" said Ron as if these words could make up for it.

"FUCK YOU!" cried Hermy as she kicked him in the leg and ran away into the woods.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--aw whatever. Hey, it's my turn!" Ron said happily as he tossed a large bottle of hooch with a big, red bow tied around into Dr. Hobo's arms. "Merry fuckin' Christmas!"

"HOOOOOOCH!" exclaimed Dr. Hobo as he uncapped the bottled and chugged it all down.

Hermy came suddenly barreling out of the woods, dropped a present in Scotty's arms, then ran away back into the woods.

"Ooo...I wonder what it is!" wondered Scotty as she tore off the paper. Inside was a book titled, The Idiot's Guide to Not Being an Idiot Anymore! by Hermione G.

"Wow, this will be useful," said Scotty sarcastically as she deposited the book in a nearby fire.

Ginny quickly walked up to Mimi and gave her a present wrapped in shiny paper. "Ooo...shiny!" said Mimi all starry-eyed as she ripped into it. Beneath the wrapping was a cardboard box!

"SCORE! I got a box!" cheered Mimi.

"Uh, it's _inside_ the box, dumbass," said Ginny.

"....OOOOOOH! OK!" Mimi said. She opened the box to find a grubby, ripped paper bag.

"EVEN BETTER!" said Mimi as she put the bag on top of her head. "Now we match!" she squealed, throwing an arm around Dr. Hobo, who happened to be up next.

Dr. Hobo lumbered over to Ginny and gave her a poorly wrapped box-shaped present. She wordlessly lifted the cover off the box and found nothing inside.

"Uh, there's nothing in here," said Ginny.

"Hu-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH! Exactly! SUCKER!" replied Dr. Hobo as he zipped off into the woods.

"GET BACK HERE YOU DRUNK FUCKOFF!" screamed Ginny as she ran off into the woods.

Loku became way to lazy to write out anymore so she just got to the damn point.

Gir gave Lady Moofin an official Scary Monkey T-Shirt.

Lady Moofin gave Ron some laxatives for some odd reason.

Scotty gave GIR her life-long divotion (I know I spelled that wrong. e.e) which only lasted for 1.84 seconds.

"Now it's time for the Christmas Song!" cried Loku.

Everyone gathered together in a large group and began to sing a song. Whee.

"Deck the halls with sporks and other stuff

Fa la la la la la la la la

Tis' the season to be drunk

Fa la la la la la la la la

Don we now our gay apparell--"

They all donned really gay looking sweaters courtesy of Mrs. Weasley. "It doesn't get much gayer than this..." mumbled Ginny.

"FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!  
Give Loku muffins so she won't destroy us!  
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Some more stuff here that doesn't rhyme!  
Fa la la la la la la la la!

TAKE IT GINNY!"

The whole group turned and pointed at Ginny who was standing in the center of the crowd. She stood there and said nothing.

".....Fa la la la la la la la! YAY! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!" shouted the entire group (yes, even Ginny).

"God bless us everyone!" squeaked Dr. Hobo in some weird little kid voice. Everyone turned to stare strangely at him. He flashed a smile and a thumbs up.

**Wow. This took me FOREVER to write. Man, this was a long ass chapter! Good thing I didn't make it all one chapter. xD Ugh, I'm extremely tired right now. Anyway, guess what?! I got a new guitar for Christmas! YAY! It's SO AWESOME AND SHINY AND PINK! In fact, I might just have to mention it in the next chapter. ;D Continue reviewing and Happy Holidays from me and the cast of The Golden Spork! **


	15. Llamtartia

**Man, that X-Mas Special sucked major ass. Oh well, what did you expect? I wrote it all at 1AM. Well, most of it like, 80 of it. Lol. xD Infact, it's almost midnight currently. On another note, if you guys haven't read it yet, you should read Megan's fic Harry Potter in Random Sugar Induced Insanity. It is so fucking funny and random. I command you to read it. If you don't...then I will fucking smack you with my guitar. Besides, it's millions of times better than my fic. ;D**

**NOOOOOOOO! MEGAN'S FIC GOT DELETED! -sob sob- Oh well. She will be writing a new one soon so...read that one. xD**

**Evien - I am totally going to stop asking you guys for ideas on the guild cuz it's ruining the whole chapter for you. Rofl. xDD Yes, we all know you are the llama/poptart queen. ;D I might just have to make them visit you in this chapter. -hint hint- Harry is a fucking bastard. He deserved what he got. -gets huggled- x) **

**Phantom of Insanity - No. Ramen does NOT pwn the muffin. Muffins pwn everything. Yes, it is very sad that the muffin tower was the destroyed. u.u -sniff- **

**xxLullaby Of Lightxx - Yeah, I know Jelly World exsists; and I also have it on my favorites! xDD I didn't even notice my pets had changed until people started bitching about it on the boards. Lmao. It's OK, I've been sick too so I don't blame you. ;D **

**And now for the chapter that you've all been waiting for. :)**

"Man I really need to pee," said Loku.

"...OK thanks for sharing," Ginny replied disgusted.

"I just blinked. Heehee," Loku giggled while blinking a few times.

"Do we REALLY need a news flash on every one of your bodily functions?!" asked Ginny exasperatedly.

"......Yes."

"Damn you, Loku."

"...WHEEE!" Loku squealed as she raced around stealing everyone's canary yellow dog feces.

"WHAT THE FUCK! Canary yellow dog feces is so my joke!" complained Megan as she snatched the canary yellow dog feces away.

"Canary yellow dog feces sounds funny. Heehee," laughed Loku.

"Heh, yes it does; but it's still my joke so PISS OFF!" and with that, Megan rode away on her snow blower cackling insanely while running over countless random bystanders.

"Hmm. I think she's crazier than you, Loku. And that's saying something," remarked Hermy.

"...DIE WENCH!" she yelled at Hermy and smacked her with her new shiny guitar; causing it to break.

"NOOOOOOOO! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO, BITCH!" cried Loku as she sobbed over the loss of her brand new shiny guitar.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASOBSOBSOBSOBCRYCRYCRY--OK I'm over it."

Evien suddenly leaped out a of a multicolored swirling portal that had appeared from no where. "PREPARE TO BE WARPED TO THE EBIL LAND OF LLAMTARTIA! BWHAHAHAHA!" Evien laughed evilly holding a flashlight under her face. Spooky lightning and shit happened and the sky was all...dark and stuff. Some evil music was playing from an unknown source.

"...Did anyone else notice the lightning and the sky and the music?" asked Harry.

Before anyone could answer Harry, they were sucked into the swirling portal and deposited in Evien's kingdom, Llamtartia.

"This is my kingdom, Llam--" Evien was cut off by stampeding poptarts running her over.

"Dammit," came her muffled cry into the ground.

The group traveled down to the mainland where the entire city was made of poptarts and llamas walked around like everyday ordinary people.

"This is some crazy shit," commented Mimi. Some of the others were busy chowing down on the buildings, streets, lamp posts, parked cars, ect.

"Wheee! I have all the HP and the Quest for the Golden Spork Cast plushies!" squealed Loku with delight as she huggled the plushies to her chest.

"What the fuck? This doesn't look anything like me!" complained Harry as he held up one of the dolls that was quite raggedy, was missing an eye, the 'skin' was a weird green color, and was wearing a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a fucking looser.'

Evien and Loku smiled innocently, but when Harry was done bitching, they turned and high fived eachother.

A band of tap dancing gnomes suddenly danced by singing, "We are the underpants gnomes blah blah I don't know the rest of the song..." A giant cheesenip suddenly sprang from the ground and destroyed the singing gnomes with foam noodles. It then flew away to it's home planet to fight all dem bad guys.

This had all happened in the background, therefore Hermy ran after the flying cheeznip in the distance screaming, "FREE THE GNOMES!"

"Hmm, speaking of which, when do we annihilate the wench?" asked Evien.

"...How about right now!?!?" suggested Loku.

"WHEEEE!" which was Evien's sign of agreement. The two began plotting off in the corner while other events took place.

"Do not invoke the wrath of KYUKI!" screeched Kyuki as she assassinated random llamas with her various spork weapons.

"SAVE THE LLAMAS!" yelped Hermy as she ran by.

Meanwhile, Draco (who for some reason had slipped past those men in the nice white coats) was having a heated arguement....with a firehydrent.

"YOU STUPID FUCK! YOU KNOW NOTHING! YOU AMMOUNT TO NOTHING!"

"....."

"LEAVE MY MOTHER OUT OF THIS YOU...YOU....YOU FUCK!"

"....."

"I HAVE A BANANA AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO FUCKING USE IT!"

"....."

"YOU DID NOT FUCK MY MOM LAST NIGHT YOU BASTARD! LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!"

"....."

"WHEN WILL THE MISERY STOOOOP!??!?!"

"....."

"You...YOU'RE A MARSHMELLOW PEEP AREN'T YOU?!?!? IT'S NOT EASTER YOU PEEP-FUCK!"

And with that, Draco began insanely beating the firehydrent with a frying pan.

Evien and Loku had finally hatched their brilliant scheme to annihilate that bitch Hermione. They casually strolled over to where Hermy was surprisingly NOT fucking Ron, but commanding that the frosting of the Poptart buildings release the sprinkles they adorned.

"NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME! ARE YOU GONNA LISTEN TO ME? YOU LET THOSE SPRINKLES BE FREE AND LIVE A HAPPY, PROSPEROUS LIFE!"

A small cough indicated Loku & Evien's presense to Hermy, and she slowly turned around to face them. As soon as she opened her mouth to bitch at them, a herd of mad llamas stampeded over her.

Loku and Evien snickered as Hermy picked herself up from the ground. Hermy tried once again to speak, but again she was trampled by llamas. This process repeated itself several times before Hermy just gave up and didn't say anything. At this point, Loku and Evien could no longer hold in their laughter, and exploded in a torrent of loud, shrieking hysterics.

"I CAN SMELL YOUR BUTT!" yelled another countless random fuck off.

"SHUT UP!" yelled one of the characters as they dropped dead cows on the random fuck off.

"Say Hermione...we wouldn't want ANYONE to see THESE now, would we?" said Evien with an insanely evil smile while brandishing a few polaroids.

Hermy gasped, "YOU WOULDN'T DARE!"

"Oh would we?" said Loku daringly. "OOOOOOOOH ROOOOOOOON!"

"No, please no," cried Hermy as tears spilled down her face.

"Well, Ron, we figured you might want to see who Hermione has been whoring with other than you," said Evien as she handed Ron the polaroids.

He was speechless as he stared at the disturbing photos, his face twisted in disgust.

"YOU BITCH!" cried Ron as he thrust the photos at Hermy and ran away sobbing uncontrolably straight into a building.

For these pictures showed Hermy fucking with none other than......................MR. FUCK?!??!?!?!

"Well, he ain't called Mr. Fuck for nothing!" giggled Mimi.

"That's just sick...who would fuck with a stuffed bear?!" wondered Harry.

"Hmm...speaking of Harry, we still haven't utterly destroyed him," said Evien.

Loku mimicked Evien's insane evil smile and pulled out one of those...things you push down to make TNT blow up. The wire connected to the...thing lead all the way to dynamite the was strapped to Harry's back. Evien and Loku each grabbed hold of the handle and pushed down. Nothing happened. They did it again. Still nothing. Again. Nothing. Again. Nothing. Violently again. Still nothing.

"WHAT THE HELL!?!?" screamed Loku in frustration as she kicked at the ground.

Evien clutched the wire and followed it all the way to the middle where Dr. Hobo sat stabbing the wire with a spork.

"DIE! DIE! DIE!," he grunted.

"...Okaaaaay..." said Evien. She lifted Dr. Hobo up and tossed him into a near by ally where he was devoured by angry noodle people. She turned and gave Loku the thumbs up. She then galloped back over and both she and Loku jerked the handle up and slammed it back down.

**KABOOMBADABANGBOOMITYBOOMBLAHWHATEVER!**

Harry was obliterated into nothingness. Yay! Loku and Evien high-fived and ran off to do something.

Evien ran off to where Ron was leaning against a building, trying to catch him on the rebound. "Hey, Ron," she said softly in a horrible attempt to sound seductive. She leaned against him and lightly traced circles in his shoulder. "How are you......doing?" she asked with a dramatic pause between.

Ron, with his extremely short attention span, stood not paying any attention what so ever to Evien, and instead watched a butterfly flutter about.

"FOLLOW THE BUTTERFLIES!" Ron squealed, chasing after the butterfly and trying to fuck them in desperation. Evien, with her support gone running after a butterfly, dropped abruptly to the ground in a heap.

"SONG AND DANCE!" sang the entire group and some random llamas as they struck poses and broke out into song and did some funky random dance.

**Well...we all know that was crap. Crapity crap crap crap. Oh well. You guys waited soooo long for a chapter and it turned out to be STOOPID! BWHAHA! -cough- Now go review. It shall please me. **

**And by the way...I will bring back the Golden Spork plot. Oh I shall. The last few chapters have been utterly plotless (Yes that is a word...MY WORD!)...so I shall make them do something Golden Spork related so my fic doesn't get deleted. xP**


	16. Leprachaun Fucks

**Bwhaha. I got no reviews last chapter. I think everyone thinks this fic is dead. o.O;**

**Anyway, I really have no clue how they are going to find that damn spork. I've got some kind of fuzzy...thought I guess, but I dunno. Whatever. Enough of my babbling, on with the chapter.**

The entire group stood around chatting and babbling about things that make no sense at all. Except one person was missing.

"Has anyone seen Loku? WHERE THE HELL IS LOKU?! OH GOD NO! WHERE'S LOKU!? OH GOD OH GOD! SHE'S PROBABLY DEAD SOMEWHERE! WHY?! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN MEEEEEEEEE?!?!" sobbed Evien as she collapsed on the ground.

"Erm...I'm right here," grunted Loku as she limped over to join Evien.

"Oh. Why are you limping?" asked Evien.

"I sprained my damn ankle yesterday," Loku replied.

"OMG! How'd you do that?" questioned Mimi.

"Well, you see, I was minding my own business playing in the snow when suddenly a group of **KILLER RAMEN NOODLES **attacked from _OUT OF NO WHERE_. There was **BLOOD** and _GUTS_ and **_OTHER GROSS SHIT_** all around! **RABID LEPRACHAUNS **FLEEEEW FROM OUT OF THE SKY AND DROPPED GIANT ANVILS MADE OF **_DOOKY_** AND _FOUR LEAF CLOVERS_!! I WANT NONE OF YOUR DOOKY CLOVERS YOU **LEPRACHAUN FUCKS**! And...and...what was I talking about again?"

All was silent as the group stared and stared and stared at Loku. Except for Evien, who was cracking up laughing.

"Erm...riiiight Loku. Now really, tell us what happened," said Harry.

"YOU SHUT UP YOU DIRTY BASTARD. Erm, yeah. I was swinging in the snow at my friend's house (thinking it was a more effective way of catching snowflakes) and the swing was really low to the ground and my foot got caught on the ground and dragged forward and yeah," finished Loku.

"So...when are we gonna try looking for the Golden Spork? We kind of got off track after the Christmas Party and your chapters were just kind of...random and stuff," Hermy said.

"I dunno...ROOOON!" Loku screeched as she threw herself at the now Hermione-less redhead.

Hermione pulled out a crowbar and began trying to pry Loku off of Ron. "HOMEWRECKING BITCH! GET OFF!"

Loku broke away from Ron (not because of that damned crowbar) and proceeded to glomp Hermione.

"I'm confused. When did Loku like Ron?" asked Harry.

"Hmm. I dunno. Evien?" Ginny also questioned, turning to Evien for answers.

"This all happened between chapters 15 and 16. Me and Loku suddenly got all crazy about Ron. Now we're always drawing lovesick pictures of him on the YIM Doodle thing..." rambled Evien.

"But why do you guys hate meeeeee?" wailed Harry.

"...Because you're just a bitch," Evien replied.

The others just sat around munching on popcorn, entertained by the fight scene in front of them. Loku was violently strangling Hermione, and Ron (of course with his short attention span) skipped around in circles chanting, "Follow the butterflies! Wheee!" while frantically trying to catch the butterflies fluttering above.

A conviently placed TV suddenly turned itself on and a random guy wearing a rainbow suit began speaking. "Are you STILL trying to find that accursed Golden Spork? Are you out of ideas for chapters and just stalling with random shit?"

At this point, Loku had stopped pummeling Hermione long enough to listen to the TV intently. Mimi had also taken notice to the man in the TV, and crept so close that her face was pressed up against the screen.

"Heehee, are you gay?" she giggled.

"Erm...uh...THEN GO ON OVER AND VISIT THE MAGICAL ALL KNOWING PORK MASTER!" said the little rainbowy guy in the TV hurriedly.

"I guess we should go and visit this "Magical All Knowing Pork Master" guy," stated Harry.

"HUHDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" Loku huh-duhed at Harry for a very, very long time. So long that she went cross-eyed and drool spilled from her mouth.

Evien ran by clutching Ron's totally sexy Weasley sweater that Mrs. Weasley knits every Christmas. "WHEEEE!"

Loku's jaw dropped and she was soon in hot persuit of Evien. "GIMMIE THE SWEATER!"

The butterflies had long since flown away, so to entertain himself, Ron did a funky little tap dance and many random bystanders formed around him and threw money into a little hat that had appeared from no where. Many of them were chanting, "YEAH! STREET PERFORMER!"

"So Loku, what else are you gonna write for this chapter?" asked Dr. Hobo in a surprisingly civil manner.

"WHATEVER I WANT FEEL LIKE I WANT TO! GOSH!" Loku yelled back, mimicing Napolean Dynamite.

GIR was doing his awesome little GIR Dance and watching the Scary Monkey Show while sucking on one o those popsicle stick thingys.

"KYUKI YOU FAT LARD! GET OVER HERE AND EAT YOUR HAM!" Loku shouted at Kyuki, still mimicing Napolean Dynamite.

"HOW ABOUT NO!" Kyuki shouted back.

"...BUT MY LIPS HURT REALLY BAD!" Loku whined back, **_still_** mimicing Napolean Dynamite.

"That made no sense," remarked Harry. Evien swiftly ran by and knocked him over the head with a can of Lima Beans.

Meanwhile, Scotty (who for some reason once again randomly appeared in this story) was intently reading that book Dr. Hobo wrote about how to find the Golden Spork.

"You know, we could have found out about that lord hammy pork guy in this book the whole time..." she said, skimming a section about that Magical All-Knowing Pork Master.

"Really?" Loku said, peering over Scotty's shoulder at the book. Loku snatched the book out of Scotty's hands and held it up triumphantly.

"TO THE MAGICAL ALL-KNOWING PORK MASTER WE GO!" she declared. "Huzzah, Huzzah!" cheered everyone.

"BREAKFAST SQUIDS ROCK!" screeched some random fuckoff kid as he ran by. The government promptly shot him. "We got 'em, Sir," said one of the government men into a walkie-talkie.

"Say that reminds me, what ever happened to the random fuckoff monkey that raped you in the 4th chapter?" Evien asked Loku as they began their journey to that Pork-Guy.

"Hmm. I really don't know..." replied Loku.

Meanwhile....

A llama off in Evien's kingdom, Llamtartia, sat solemly in a grassy field. When suddenly, out of no where, THAT RANDOM FUCKOFF MONKEY CAME UP AND RAPED IT!

Back with the group...

"Oh. So thats what happened to it," Evien said calmly. She suddenly realized what had happened and ran off back toward her kingdom screaming, "THAT MONKEY IS GOING TO DIE!"

**I know it was short, but I'm lazy and I just want to get this damn story over with. ; It's becoming more of a burden than actually FUN to write. I suspect it will be over within a few chapters. Anyway, I was thinking of making it like, a trilogy. Like, there would be a sequal to this and it would be called "Harry Potter and the Quest for the Silver Foon" and then the sequal to that would be "Harry Potter and the Quest for the Bronze Knife" or something. oo Anyway, just review and make me happy. If you do I'll give you a donut! xP**


	17. Muffinanic

**YAY! You don't think my fic is dead! -does GIR dance- w00t! Alright, now I know I said I would give you a free donut if you review, but I lied. It wasn't free. BECAUSE IT COST YOU ONE REVIEW SO THERE HA I'M SMART I JUST MADE THAT UP!**

**-cough- So....here's your donut. I HOPE YOU LIKE CHOCOLATE FROSTED DONUTS WITH LITTLE SPRINKLES.**

**xxLullaby Of Lightxx - BWHAHA. Yes, Draco escaped your henchmen AND your tracking device. SUCKSTOBEYOU. Anyway, thanks! I also think that making it a trilogy thingy would be spiffy. Mind if I call you Double L? It's a lot quicker to type and...it sounds so GANGSTA! xD**

**niwrem - Yay. Thankies. :D I'm trying not to make it so pointless that it gets deleted. ;;;**

**Phantom of Insanity - WADDAP HOME SLICE?! o.O -cough- Yes. I hate that monkey. -stabs monkey-**

**Kyu - w00t. You finally reviewed after all this time. x33 As I stated before....ITWASNOTFREE. BWHAHA. DD Erm...what are you talking about? That wasn't my clone...heheh....-shifty eyes-**

**Evien - YAY! Go Evien!!!!!!!**

**On with teh chapter. ;D**

The pack of morons romped through the woods as fast as they could so they could reach that pork guy. I forget his name.

"So where exactly is this dude?" asked Mimi.

"Uhm...uh...here's the article," Loku said as she thrust the book into Mimi's hands.

**The Magical All-Knowing Pork Master**

_Being the Master of Pork, he controls absolutely everything porky. _

_Yes, that includes your grandma. _

_For some unknown reason, the Golden Spork is in the possetion of this guy. _

_If you pass the many trials and tests of the Magical All-Knowing Pork Master, he shall bestow it upon you and yeah. _

_Good stuff will happen._

"Well....Ok then," said Mimi, concealing the book in her hoodie pocket.

"I LOVE THE PHANTOM!" squealed Evien suddenly, huggling a Phantom of the Opera plushie. "Loku, you can have Ron."

"YAY!" shrieked Loku, glomping Ron.

"Free Hentai!" yelled Harry as he took rapidly took pictures of the two horny teens. Evien crept up behind him and shot him in the head. "Fucking pervert..." she mumbled.

Hermione, however, was sulking in the back of the group as they continued on. Did you forget that they were actually walking to the Pork Master at a rapid pace? YOUSUCK.

GIR, who resided in the center of the group, suddenly began doing his little dance. Scotty (who once again appeared in this chapter but is still not considered a regular) copied his every move and also did the GIR dance. A crowd appeared from no where and surrounded them shouting, "STREET PERFORMERS! YEAH!"

The mob soon disperced after Ginny turned rabid and tackled one of the random bystanders.

"Anyone want some CARROTS?!" asked a random bunny.

"AHHHHHHH! EVIIIIL HEALTH FOOD!!!!!" screamed everyone besides Mimi, who had leaped at the rabbit and huggled it.

"YAY! I LOVE BUNNIES!"

Meanwhile...

The fic cuts to some random scene with Loku and Ron standing on the end of the Titanic. Well, due to copyright laws, it's not the Titanic. It's....the Muffin...anic. Yeah. The Muffinanic.

Loku was standing on the railing with Ron holding her around the waist.

"Do you trust me?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she whispered back. Loku closed her eyes, breathing in the fresh ocean air.

Ron smirked sinisterly, and quickly let go of Loku, letting her fall to her watery doom. He laughed uncharacteristically evily.

The scence cut to a far away view of the bow of the ship with a teeny tiny dot falling at a slow but sort of fast rate. This dot was Loku. "ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-long gasp-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON--" she was instantly cut off when she hit the icy water.

We now cut back to your original chapter.

A soaking wet Loku stomped very, very, VERY angrily up to Ron and slapped him across the face. "YOU BASTARD! NO! BASTARD DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE YOU, YOU HORRIBLE VILE EVIL SICK TWISTED--" she was again cut off by Ron's lips pressed against hers.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! This was just getting good..." complained Hermione. A random leprachaun fuck from the last chapter flew overhead and dropped a dooky four-leaf clover anvil on her.

Loku pushed him away, "YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT ALL BETTER BY KISSING ME!?"

Ron stuttered nervously, "Erm...yes."

Loku shrugged, and proceeded to leap on Ron and...well you can assume what happened.

"This whole chapter was stupid. All that happened was a bunch of random shit with Loku and Ron!" grumbled Ginny.

"I'M NOT FINISHED YET!" screamed Loku.

The group finally made it to the giganto tower castle thingy surrounded by pig statues. Loku knocked on the tall, porkish door.

A small rubber piggy from the episode of Invader Zim titled "Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy" opened the door and stuck it's head out, "Yesssss?"

"We're here for the Golden Spork!" proclaimed Kyuki.

"Oh. Ok. Whatever," said the pig, opening the door further to let them in.

**OOGA BOOGA! Yeah. I decided to end this chapter here. I know, I know, it's really, really short. But don't worry, the next chapter will be a LOT longer for it will tell what most of their tasks are and they'll do some of 'em and yeah. I'm guessing this story will go on for about 3 more chapters, until chapter 20. Has anyone noticed that I've stopped calling Hermione Hermy?! **

**Hermione: I have.**

**SHUT UP WENCH. Erm...yeah. Anyway, review and make me happy! xD**


	18. The Trial!

**ajgkadjgkal. I know, you guys are all REALLY PISSED at me. I'd be pissed too. Here is the very, very, very, very, very long awaited FINAL CHAPTER!**

**Double L - :00000 OHNOSHEDIDNT! Damn your coach! Ah, I've been on the run from your henchmen for a very long time. THEY WILL NOT GET ME! Thanks for the ideas, by the way. D**

**Evien - ...You are crazy obsessed with Phantom. xD Just like I am with RON! HESMINEILLNEVERSHARE.**

Creeping cautiously and silently down the long, narrow hallway, the group was totally weirded out. They had never seen so much pork all in one place. They eventually emerged from the long corridor and found a deep, swirling pit of magma. An island with an enormous palace made of pork was floating ominusly over the lake of lava.

"Before you meet with the Pork Master, you must cross the magma with only these items," explained the small rubber piggy, holding out a sack filled with various items.

"WHAT! FUCK! I thought this was all in the bag..." complained Loku. In her rage, she seized the piggy and threw it into the lava below. A horrible squealing filled the air, followed by a sickening sizzling. Then silence.

"So, uh, what's in there?" asked Ron, trying to peer into the bag.

"Apperently objects," retorted Ginny in her fucking sarcastic way.

Harry looked at the bag, "LET ME SEE!" he whinned like a four year old, which was rather amusing since he is like sixteen.

Evien sat in the back until she realized Harry was alive. "Wait. Did I not kill him in the seventeenth chapter?" she asked reviewing the chapter. "I DID! How the hell are you fucking alive again?" she yelled rather angry.

Loku was also curious, so she opened the bag to find the following items:

Dental floss

A spork

Three handfulls of granola

Jack Sparrow (complete with Rum)

Cheerios

Confetti

A paperclip

"Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me!" sang Jack Sparrow drunkenly, waving around the bottle of Rum.

"RUM!" yelled Dr. Hobo, lunging for Jack. The hobo struggled to gain ownership of the Rum, but eventually wrenched it out of Jack's grasp and guzzled it noisily.

"Why didja have to get rid of the Rum?" Jack asked exasperatedly, obviously still quite drunk.

"YA KNOW, LOKU, YOU ARE ONE PRETTY YOUNG LADY!" he slurred, coming onto Loku. This was hella funny because Loku was not as pretty as Jack thought.

Ron sprinted over and stood in front of Loku, his arms spread wide as if defending her like a human shield. "FUCK OFF, YOU STUPID PIRATEFUCK!"

Many Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow fans got really fucking pissed at Ron and randomly leaped out of nearby bushes and began trying to beat him to death with pickles and toenail clippers. Loku was able to dispose of them by summoning an army of hissing roaches to kill them. Hermione was tragically (coughnotcough) caught in the flood of roaches and died.

After about 10 minutes of formulating, the group set out to accomplish the task of crossing the magma pit. Kyuki tied the dental floss around the spork and, using her awesome ninja throwing skills, thrust it forward where it sunk into the earth of the temple on the floating island and quivered ominously before settling.

They fastened the other end of the floss to the paperclip, which they stabbed into the soft dirt to make a long, ultra thin tight-rope stretching from their part of the land to the island.

Seeing if any of them would die in the process, they shoved Jack Sparrow onto the rope thing and watched him miraculously stumble along it and not fall, although he collapsed once he reached the other side. Everyone shrugged, then tap danced merrily across the floss.

"Yessssssssssssssssss. We made it!" cheered Evien, high fiving random people.

"Excellent. You may proceed," stated another rubber piggy from out of no where.

"WILL YOU QUIT DOING THAT?" shrieked Ginny, punting the piggy into the lava to meet the same fate as the one before it.

With Loku in the lead

"Hey! Why does everything have to be about Loku! It's always Loku this and Loku that! WHY!" yelled Hermione.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be dead...? Oh well. Because I OWN you. Bow to me. BOW TO ME."

"...How 'bout NO," Harry pipped up randomly.

"FUCK YOU, HARRY!"

Harry gave her a mere rude hand gesture and strode on with the rest of the group.

The ground suddenly rumbled and shook with such a force that Loku almost lost her footing. Nearby pebbles and rocks vibrated against the hard surface of the ground. Foul laughter echoed from an unknown source as the ground continued to churn violently. The earth abruptly began to split right in front of the group's eyes and something rose up from the bowels of the ground.

None other than the Pork Master himself, the source of the heinous cackling, was standing before them in all his stinking pig glory. His head peeped out of what seemed to be a large helmet that went all the way around his head and part way down his neck before it met the purple material hanging off his enormous body. A black cape billowed behind him and furled out to snaking ends that crackled and swayed like fire. No mouth was visible when he spoke, but they noted that when he did speak, the grate where his mouth should have been flashed red.

"WHO DARES TO SET FOOT ON THE ANCIENT AND HOLY GROUNDS OF THE PORK TEMPLE!" the Pork Master boomed, his beady, red pupils staring unblinkingly down at them.

"YOU! THE ONE'S WHO SEEK THE GOLDEN SPORK! YES, I'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU!" he continued.

It took a few moments for Loku to restablish her voice. She shouted shrilly up at the Pork Master, "Right then, if you've been expecting us, could you kindly hand over that Golden Spork?"

At first Loku thought the low rumbling was another earthquake about to strike, but realized in a split second that it was the Pork Master's quiet sniggering.

"FOOLISH HUMAN! I WILL NOT JUST "HAND OVER" THIS TREASURE TO THE LIKES OF YOU! YOU MUST PASS THE TRIAL OF THE SPORK!" Jagged lightning forked across the red-ish sky after this loud proclamation.

Loku glanced to the left and then to the right in a kinda weirded out manner. "Okaaaaay whatever stupid pig fuck..." She proceeded to lead the group under the arch that lay beyond the Pork Master, but he, the Pork Master, shot out a thin, pink scaly arm and stopped them from continuing.

"ONLY THE CHOSEN ONE MAY ENTER AND TRY THEIR HAND AT THE TRIAL OF THE SPORK!"

Loku growled in frustration and bellowed back at the Pork Master, "Who is it then!"

"Er...um...HER!" Everyone followed his outstreched hoof to where Ginny stood. Ginny raised her eyebrows in surprise like the rest of the group. She shrugged after a moment and stepped up to the Pork Master.

"ARE YOU READY TO TAKE ON THE TRIAL OF THE SPORK!"

"Yeah...I guess so," Ginny replied grudgingly, kicking at the ground.

"FOLLOW ME TO THE HALL OF STINKING PORKY PORK STINK!"

Ginny slouched after the Pork Master.

"NO! WAIT! Ginny's my baby sister! She can't pass the trial without ME!" Ron yelled as he chased after them. "NOOOO!" The doors slammed shut just as Ron was about to dive through after his sister.

"Ain't that a bitch," remarked Mimi.

Two flying, mutated pig things propelled out of no where and grabbed Ron by the head with two lazer-ish beams. They towed him out of the tunnel leading into the room where Ginny and the Pork Master had dissappeared to and dropped him uncerimouniously onto the ground. A spopping sound occured as the pig things morphed into two large, grotesque pig guards. They stood blocking the doors. Their small, scarred heads poked out of the mass of metal armor that shined dully due to the filthy, brown marks that stained them.

Ron stared at the guards, then at the others, then back to the guards. He got up slowly and stood there stupidly for a minute, and then suddenly charged at the pig things. His attempt was unsuccessful, and he merely bounced off them.

"DAMN YOU! LET US THROUGH!"

"Give it up, Ron. They're not going to let you in," drawled Evien lazily as she sharpened that axe she stole from the Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban set with a rock.

Ron once again just stood there, his face unreadable.

"LOOK! THERE'S SOMETHING A PIG THING WOULD LIKE!" he shouted, pointing in some random direction. The pig guards fell for his trick and looked the other direction. He took this chance and sped off behind them toward the arch.

The guards realized they had been tricked, and one of them rampaged after him and snagged him by his collar just before he reached the Hall of Stinking Porky Pork Stink. Looking up to meet the burning red eyes of the guard, he gulped loudly before they began to beat him to a pulp.

Mean while, the Pork Master was harping on about something to Ginny while she stood bored-like in the middle of a giant colloseum-type structure.

"YOUR FIRST QUESTION...HOW TALL AM I?"

"I'd say about eight feet six inches," she replied nonchalantly.

"Hmm...yeah that works. SECOND QUESTION! WHAT IS THE SECRET CODE FOR UNLIMITED LIVES IN SUPER KICKY FIGHTER?"

"Up up down down left right left right A B B A start." she recited instantly.

The Pork Master gazed down on her interestedly. "Really? Cool. THE TRIAL IS OVER! Yaaaay for you!" He clapped his hands while Ginny just stared off into space.

"I guess you can have this now..." the Pork Master said. He raised his arms up over his head towards the heavens and began grunting in effort. After a few moments passed, the Golden Spork fell from the ceiling and clattered to the ground. Ginny strode over to where it lay and snatched it up.

"So...what do you want to do now?"

Ron had somehow gotten the rest of the gang invoved in the foray with him and the guards. The pig things were throwing all of them around forcefully.

Ginny and the Pork Master sat on a long, squashy blue couch in front of a large screen TV playing video games intently. Ginny's pink character was jumping on top of the Pork Master's yellow character.

Shrieks of pain resounded through the group as they were mercilessly beaten by the pig things.

A random ice cream man was scooping chocolate chip mint ice cream from his cart into a cone for Ginny. The Pork Master was already holding an identical cone, unsure of how to eat it.

One of the guards bashed Kyuki and Mimi's skulls together while the other was dismantling GIR. The others were screaming a running around in circles panicking.

The Pork Master Lifted his robes to reveal a frilly pink tu-tu. He did a little dance on his tip toes. Ginny stood watching him with her arms folded across her chest not showing much interest.

Loku was lying in a puddle of her own blood, Harry was hanging from a nuse on a nearby pig statue, and Scotty was hogtied in some snake water.

The twosome were sitting comfortably at a small table drinking tea. "Yeah, my brother Ron is so over protective. I just wish he would leave me alone," explained Ginny to the Pork Master. She sipped on her tea, and the Pork Master did the same.

Ron and the others suddenly burst in somehow, still alive I have no idea how.

"NOOOO! SHE'S TOO YOUNG TO DIE! TAKE ME INSTEAD! TAKE MEEEEE!" Ron pleaded as he dropped down on all fours in front of their table. The Pork Master raised an eyebrow at him, and then looked over at Ginny. She nodded.

"Um...Okaaaaaay..." with a clap of his hooves, a squadron of pig things flew down and surrounded them, pointing tazors at all of them. The Pork Master doubled in size and towered over them menacingly. Taco demons melted through the walls and also closed in on them. They were all utterly trapped and doomed.

_Chug chigga chug chigga chug chigga chuuuuuuuug _

A smoking, totaled car inched slowly into view and shut down a few yards before the edge of a cliff. Everyone exited wearing beaver suits.

"Woo hoo! What an incredible and daring escape! That was **AMAZING**!" exclaimed Ron.

"I liked the part where the giant robot squid launched missiles at us," commented Ginny.

Everyone stood in complete silence. Crickets began to chirp.

"Well...we did it," said Loku simply.

"Mhmm," Harry said awkwardly.

"**WOOHOO! YEAH! WE DID IT! SFJWRUGHKJFKA**!" screeched GIR, jumping up in the air. This seemed to trigger something, as everyone was soon cheering like GIR and congratulating themselves on making it this far.

"So now that we have the Golden Spork, what do we do with it?" asked Mimi excitedly. All eyes turned on Dr. Hobo, who was standing quite still near the edge of the cliff.

"Absolutely **NOTHING**! Yay!" Dr. Hobo smiled around insanely at everyone.

The combinded yells of everyone seemed to shake the entire Earth. "**_WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!_**"

"We risked our lives HUNDREDS of times and all this thing is is a golden spork with no powers or meaning or ANYTHING!" shrieked Loku, absolutely livid.

"You've gotta admit, it's pretty cool look" Loku cut Harry off with her fist making contact with his face.

Hermoine resurected herself and spoke up, "Well, it was fun, wasn't it?"

Mumbles of somewhat agreement travled through the group.

"Yeah! Who knows, maybe there is some undiscovered secret power in the spork that even Dr. Hobo doesn't know about!" chirpped Lady Moofin, who hadn't said anything at all this entire chapter.

Every single one of the weirdos broke out into joyful, relieved laughter still in their beaver suits...that is until robot bees flew over them and stung them to death. Bees are scary.

_**THE END**_

**This chapter was based on an Invader Zim episode titled Gaz Taster of Pork and contains a lot of transcript from it. I don't claim any parts from this episode that you recognise.**

**Anyway, so that's it! There will probably be an epiloge some time in the hopefully near future. Feel free to submit as many questions as you like that are about the story that I can answer in the epiloge.**

**I'm still toying with the idea of making a sequal. I hope you all enjoyed this stupid randomness and I'd also like to thank those of you who contributed some ideas for this chapter. I LOVE YOU ALL! **

**I'll be brainstorming for a while on some ideas for a serious fan fiction. Until then (or until I write another stupid, pointless random fic ;D) BYE! **


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